


More Than

by jamesgatz1925



Series: RomComs [4]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternative Meeting, Developing Relationship, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, M/M, friends - Freeform, tiny Friends AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-25
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-06-15 23:09:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15423687
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jamesgatz1925/pseuds/jamesgatz1925
Summary: Rafael and Sonny are best friends. That’s ALL.





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Friends inspired AU! It’s not exact. Characters are mixed up; it’s not like one character is Monica and one is Chandler, they’re a mix. But the romance is inspired by Monica and Chandler because they’re way better than Ross and Rachel. Hope you enjoy, let me know!

Rafael bangs three times on the green door. He glares at the marked ‘19’ in gold on the door, as if it is personally doing him wrong. As if it was the door that woke him up at this godforsaken hour by singing ‘Good Morning Life’ in the shower.

Rafael wants to sue whoever rigged the piping in this building. For whatever reason, every morning when his stupid neighbor sings in the shower, he can hear it perfectly in his bedroom. Sometimes it’s a fine wake up call, but this morning, he’s waking with an already pounding headache from his impending day in court. He really needed some extra time to sleep.

Rafael pounds on the door again.

“Hang on!” is yelled through the door.

Sonny finally throws the door to his apartment open. He’s grinning ear to ear, a towel wrapped around his waist and one wrapped comically around his hair. Water drops down his chest and Rafael is too annoyed to even watch it fall, admire like he usually would.

“Do you mind?” Rafael asks angrily.

“Not at all, come on in.”

Rafael rolls his eyes. He turns his back to Sonny and stomps back to his apartment across the hall.

“What’re you makin’ me for breakfast?” Sonny asks, following him.

“Nothing,” Rafael says over his shoulder, marching right into his apartment, turning into the kitchen, and straight to the coffee machine.

Sonny sits at the little kitchen table. “That’s fine. Heather will probably want to grab something for breakfast anyway.”

“Ah,” Rafael mutters. “Are you meeting her for breakfast?”

“Huh? No, I just gotta wake her up.”

Rafael slowly turns to look at Sonny. “She’s in your apartment? And you’re here?”

“I thought I’d be getting breakfast.”

“Get out,” Rafael says.

Sonny is still smiling. Rafael would like to forbid smiling in his apartment this early in the morning.

“You know, you wouldn’t be bothered by my singin’ in the shower if you let me shower here.”

Rafael hands Sonny a mug of coffee, despite his best efforts not to give in to the other man’s cheery disposition. “Why in the world would you need to shower in my apartment?”

“Your bathroom is nicer,” Sonny simply says, blowing on his steaming mug.

Rafael rolls his eyes. “It wouldn’t actually kill you to clean yours every once in a while.”

“All I have to do is wait for Gina to come over, then—“

“Gina does not step foot in your apartment for that very reason. And good god, Sonny, grow up and stop making your sister do your chores for you.”

Sometimes, Rafael still sees the young man he met ten years ago in Sonny. A junior in high school at the time, Sonny was the snot-nose little brother of Rafael’s best friend, and he met the younger man during his first Thanksgiving away from home when he was in college. He was annoying, immature, and although Rafael has watched him grow into a fine man, he’s still reminded that Sonny is his best friend’s obnoxious little brother.

He’s also one of Rafael’s best friends.

Unfortunately.

Because the man is exactly not anyone he ever saw himself being friends with. Of course, neither was Gina, but she bombarded her way into Rafael’s life that first day at Harvard and it’s never been the same since.

Rafael doesn’t know what he’d do without the two of them.

“I could also shower here, y’know, for fun,” Sonny jokes, crudely winking at Rafael.

The annoying man also insists on flirting with Rafael incessantly.

“You have a girlfriend,” Rafael reminds him.

“I have a friend who is a girl,” Sonny corrects. “You are a friend who is a boy—“

“You’re having sex with her.”

Sonny lifts an eyebrow suggestively.

Rafael rolls his eyes. He’s done so far too many times this morning.

“I thought I told you to get out,” he tells Sonny.

Sonny stands from the table and heads for the door. “Thanks for the coffee. See you in about forty-five minutes so we can walk to work together.”

“Fine,” Rafael says.

“If you’re good I’ll even let you hold my hand.”

“Leave.”

Sonny smiles once more, then finally exits the apartment, leaving Rafael to peace and quiet once again.

* * *

 

Rafael wanders out of his bathroom in just a towel. Unlike Sonny this morning, Rafael does not expect anyone to see him in such a state.

Which is why someone catcall whistling at him as he walks across to his bedroom makes him jump out of his skin.

“Dios mio, maldición!”

Sonny laughs from where he’s reading the newspaper at the kitchen table. “Rafi, you’re the prettiest friend I have.”

“Shut up. What do you want?”

Sonny folds the paper. “I thought we could talk about our day!” he says, ridiculously cheerfully.

Rafael rolls his eyes as he walks to his bedroom.

“Your sister’s on her way anyway,” he tells Sonny from the next room.

“Great. What’s for dinner?”

“She’s bringing sushi.”

He hears Sonny groan. “Good thing I ordered a pizza.”

Rafael, now dressed in jeans and a sweater, returns to Sonny. “You came over here expecting dinner when you already ordered your own dinner?”

“I thought I’d be doin’ somethin’ nice for you, like a date.”

Rafael rolls his eyes. “You know if you didn’t hit on me once in a day, I think you’d combust.”

“Come on, Rafi, why wouldn’t you go out with me? Imagine the time you’d save.”

“What does that even mean?”

“Who knows you better than I do? We wouldn’t have to get to know each other like people do starting out a relationship.”

Sonny has a point.

Regardless, in this three months of excessive flirtation, Rafael has yet to admit that he finds Sonny just as charming as he actually is. Or, he’s begun to.

It began on New Year’s Eve, when Rafael’s date cancelled on him. Extremely drunk and lonely, Gina suggested he kiss Sonny at midnight, because the younger man was sans date as well.

Hurt, offended, and lying, Rafael exclaimed that he would not kiss Sonny if he was paid a million dollars.

Sonny has not let it go.

But Rafael fears, if he does give in, Sonny will say, “I was kidding this whole time!” Rafael has spent three months pushing down the little thrill he gets when Sonny tries to get him to go out with him. He’s pushed down feeling flattered and, worse, wanted when Sonny comments on Rafael’s appearance. He’s pushed down feeling hope of falling for his best friend.

It’s been a long three months.

Because Sonny is so accessible. Just across the hall from him, the person who truly does know him the best, and someone who seems willing? What more could Rafael want?

Not to mention Sonny is the total package. Cute, polite, smart, pretty funny...

But Rafael can’t. They are best friends. What if something went wrong? Or worse, what if Sonny is actually joking?

“Picture this,” Sonny says, “Nuclear bomb, okay? I’m the last guy on earth. Would you go out with me?”

“You’re the last guy on earth?” Rafael asks.

Sonny nods.

“Then I’m dead. Thanks for not saving me.”

“Oh my god,” Sonny sighs. “Fine, fine.”

Rafael smirks as he goes to the refrigerator for the bottle of wine chilling.

“Wine?” Sonny asks. “What’s the occasion?”

“I told you, Gina’s coming over.”

Sonny laughs, because he knows it’s not an occasion; Gina just really likes wine.

Before any more conversation can continue, there’s a knock at the door. Gina never knocks, so Rafael is confused.

Sonny is standing. “It’s my pizza.”

“You had your pizza delivered here?” Rafael questions, but it falls unheard because Sonny answers the door.

Rafael shouldn’t be surprised. Sonny’s lived across the hall for years and is rarely even there.

Rafael busies himself with pouring two glasses of wine, one he is excited to drink and one that Sonny is complain doesn’t go with pizza.

They had that argument once.

Sonny had said, “I’m Italian, let me know more about wine and food than you. If I have any questions on coffee and cigars, you’re my guy.”

Rafael laughed then, and now that’s all he can think of when he pairs wine with dinner.

Once Sonny’s pizza is paid for and the front door is shut, he returns to Rafael in the kitchen.

“So,” he starts, “Is Gina comin’ over to tell you about her new boyfriend?”

Rafael pauses, confused. He didn’t know Gina is dating anybody.

“Gina has a boyfriend?”

“Yeah, I think she’s been seein’ him for a few months now. Sounds pretty serious.”

“Says who? Your mom?”

“Yeah, actually.”

Rafael chuckles. “Well, I’ll believe it when I see it.”

It’s not as though Gina is a serial dater. But she does date a lot. Which is fine, but another thing that rushes through Rafael’s mind is: he’s almost thirty. If Gina’s in a serious relationship, he’ll be the last one in their age-group to be single. What if Gina gets married and he is left the third wheel of all of his friends? What if he never finds anyone? What if he is destined to be alone? What if he ends up the weird, single friend with too many cats?

At least he hates cats.

Sonny is single too, though. Sonny might always be single, considering his inability to keep a girlfriend or boyfriend. Nobody ever takes the man seriously. Nobody ever sees him as serious dating material; Rafael knows this.

But Rafael also knows how caring Sonny is, because he always puts his family first. He knows how sweet Sonny is, because he’s seen Sonny with children and victims. He knows how considerate Sonny is, what a respectful cop he is, and what a good man he is. He knows Sonny can be taken seriously.

Rafael watches Sonny catch a dangling piece of cheese falling from his pizza slice. Sonny glances at him.

“Huh?” Sonny grunts.

Rafael shakes his head as he pushes back a smile at the ridiculous younger man. “Nothing.”

Sonny smiles back.

Gina finally arrives. She’s got a smile that matches Sonny’s and two bags.

“I bring gifts!” she announces as she enters Rafael’s apartment. She walks right up to Rafael and hands him a bag of sushi. “This is for you,” she says, kissing his cheek in greeting. Then, she turns to her younger brother. “And this is for you,” she says, pulling a six pack of beer out of a shopping bag.

“Oh, thank god,” Sonny says, trading her his glass of wine for the beers.

Rafael rolls his eyes. “How did you even—“

“He hates sushi. He was bound to order something else.”

“What else are sisters for?” Sonny comments, opening up a bottle.

Rafael settles at the table with his and Gina’s dinner, and once she washes up then joins him, he asks, “So, are we waiting for after dinner for you to tell me about your very serious boyfriend?”

Gina glares at Sonny. “Thanks.”

Sonny grins.

Gina rolls her eyes at him. “Yes, Rafi, I was going to tell you about Evan. I’ve been seeing him for a few months, and yes, it might be serious.”

Rafael pushes down jealousy. Instead of arguing, asking how serious it could be, he simply says, “Tell me about him.”

Gina spends all evening talking about her boyfriend, and Rafael can tell she’s very smitten, very in love. Rafael is happy for her. Sonny acts disgusted, saying he doesn’t need the details of his sister’s love life, but Rafael knows he’s happy for her, too.

“All I know is,” Sonny says, sitting on the floor against Gina’s legs because she’s putting his hair in tiny braids. He’s more than a little drunk. He continues, “He better be good to ya. Or else.”

Rafael snorts. “Or else, what?”

“I’ll kick is ass.”

Gina laughs fully. “You’ve never kicked anyone’s ass in your life.”

“Not uh! Remember that Johnson kid from down the street?!”

“What Johnson kid?” Rafael asks.

But Gina says, “He gave you a black eye and stole your bike!”

Sonny looks dumbfounded. “Yeah, but...I scored a goal against him in the hockey championship that year, remember?”

“You sure showed him,” Rafael mutters.

Gina laughs. She sits up straight and pats Sonny’s shoulder so he’ll move. “Okay, I gotta go.” She leans over to kiss Sonny’s temple, then stands. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” she tells Rafael before leaning over him and kissing his forehead.

His head just rolls against the arm of the chair where he’s lounging. “Call me.”

Gina chuckles. “I said I would.”

“Oh,” Rafael sighs. He must be pretty drunk, too.

Gina bids them goodnight, then leaves the apartment, locking the door behind her.

“Can I sleep here?” Sonny asks, still sitting on the floor but resting against the couch.

Rafael stands to clean up. “Is anything I say going to make you move to your own apartment?”

“Probably not,” Sonny mumbles, his eyes already closed.

Rafael chuckles. “Whatever,” he says, but Sonny doesn’t say anything more, because he’s already asleep.

Once everything is cleaned up, Sonny’s leftover pizza is safely placed in Rafael’s refrigerator so he can eat it tomorrow, Rafael fondly covers Sonny with a blanket, then goes to his own bed to try not to think about sleeping all alone.

 


	2. II: 6 months later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Six months later.

Gina slams her head down on the bar top again. Rafael watches her, sipping gently at his beer that he made the mistake of letting Sonny order for him. Sonny is down the bar, playing pool with some guys he just met as his sister has an existential crisis about their younger sister, Bella, announcing her pregnancy. 

 

“I was supposed to have a baby first,” Gina says. “At lease before Bella. God, she is a baby, you know? And now she’ll be getting married, and she’s like, a grown up, and I’m thirty, barely even—“

 

“At least you have a boyfriend,” Rafael comments.

 

At least Gina and Evan are thriving, that’s what Rafael wants to say. Going by their own pace, doing their own thing, happy and in love. Rafael’s sure they’re going to move in together soon, get engaged not long after that. And yet, Gina’s the one having a crisis about her life moving too slowly. Rafael isn’t connected to Bella enough to feel exactly the same way, but damn, at least Gina has somebody.

 

Rafael looks over at Sonny playing pool, laughing with a bunch of new friends, and he feels a pang of jealousy once again. This time, instead of being because Gina is not single, it is because of how comfortable the guys playing pool are becoming with Sonny. How he’s cracking jokes and making them laugh, how effortless it is.

 

How Sonny’s attention isn’t on him for once.

 

Not that it needs to be all the time. It’s just...Rafael wouldn’t mind if it was.

 

In six months, Sonny has toned down his flirtatious actions towards Rafael. He makes less jokes, compliments Rafael less, but he’s snaked his way into Rafael’s life in other ways.

 

Sonny hasn’t had a date in months, and while it’s not exactly unusually, Rafael finds Sonny far more often than not at his place in the evenings. They have dinner together more often, hang out more often. They’ve been best friends for years, but Rafael hasn’t seen him so often as he has in the past six months.

 

And Rafael doesn’t even mind. Sonny hasn’t been annoying, gotten on his nerves. Sonny has been nothing but fun to be around.

 

It’s just confused Rafael more.

 

Has Sonny stopped the flirting and messing with Rafael because it was a joke all along, or is he, perhaps, trying to be taken more seriously in Rafael’s eyes? Does Rafael miss the flirting, or does he like the genuine friendliness better?

 

Rafael drinks the last of his beer and is glad because he can order a real drink now.

 

“Maybe I should get pregnant,” Gina mumbles into her arms.

 

“You don’t want to get pregnant,” Rafael comments.

 

Gina sighs. “You’re right.”

 

“Things with Evan are great,” Rafael reminds her. “Just...let things happen on their own.”

 

Gina sits up suddenly. “I’m gonna go pee,” she announces, then slides off her barstool and wobbles toward the bar’s bathroom.

 

Rafael laughs as he watches her, wondering if she’s okay. For his one beer, she’s had about three drinks, and Rafael can tell how hard she’s taking the news.

 

Gina’s not gone for long before Sonny is next to Rafael again, pool stick in hand as he leans over the bar to order another beer.

 

“You okay?” he asks Rafael as the bartender disappears to get his drink.

 

“Me? Yeah, I’m fine. You?”

 

“Fine,” Sonny repeats. “Do you need a refill?”

 

“Of beer? Please god, no. I’ll order something else.”

 

“Hey, your drink orders are just as complicated as your coffee order.”

 

“Is that why you only ever get me a black coffee?”

 

Sonny smiles.

 

Rafael rolls his eyes. “Anyway, a Manhattan isn’t that complicated.”

 

“What if I forget?”

 

“It’s where you live!”

 

Sonny laughs. Rafael can’t help but join him.

 

Gina still isn’t back, but instead of worrying about her, Rafael just finds it’s more time that he can talk to Sonny.

 

“How do you feel about the baby news?”

 

“Oh, I’m thrilled,” Sonny genuinely says, not a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

 

“Really?”

 

“Yeah! You kiddin’? Another baby I get to love and spoil? I know Gina’s freakin’ out, but come on. It’s Bella’s big news. It’s not about us.”

 

Rafael nods in understanding. “You’re right.”

 

“Truth is, though...I am a little jealous, I guess. I don’t know, like I know I’m not with anyone, I’m not ready to settle down, I got my career and everything, school and stuff, but...” Sonny shrugs. “I do want that some day, y’know. A family, a baby. I’ve always just kind of...been waiting for that, y’know? I’m a family man.”

 

Rafael nods. It’s ridiculous that this man doesn’t have anyone. It’s ridiculous that nobody seems to see this side of him.

 

“You could do it alone,” Rafael says. “Adopt?”

 

Sonny shrugs. “Yeah, maybe. Not right now though. Maybe, like, five years.”

 

Maybe Rafael could be the one to give that all to Sonny one day. Five years is a long time. He could share it all with Sonny in five years. They’ll still be best friends in five years.

 

“I’ll have a baby with you,” Rafael blurts.

 

Sonny laughs. “What?”

 

“In five years, if neither of us are married...let’s have a baby.”

 

“Why won’t I be married in five years?” Sonny jokes.

 

Rafael sighs. “Hey, I’m giving myself as much doubt.”

 

Sonny laughs again. “Okay, Rafi. Let’s have a baby in five years.” He holds his hand out to shake Rafael’s.

 

Rafael takes it.

 

They shake hands and hold eye contact for far too long. Rafael can’t stop imagining it: a little Barba-Carisi, or Carisi-Barba, who looks like one of them and is shared by them. Splitting time, making it all work out, and they would, because they’re best friends, and they always will be.

 

Sonny breaks the silence. “Should one of us check on Gina?”

 

Rafael drops Sonny’s hand. “Oh shit,” he sighs, sliding off his stool and rushing to the bathroom, hearing Sonny laugh behind him as he goes.

 

They let the baby talk go for then, but Rafael knows he’ll never forget it.


	3. III: One Year Later

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Hope you enjoy! Let me know!

Rafael took the news of Gina’s engagement about as well as Gina took the announcement and birth of Bella’s baby. It had become true, that he would be the last of their friends from college single, and he’d have to go to her wedding alone while everyone else there would attend with their spouse.

 

But he helped with wedding preparations, being honorary maid of honor behind Theresa actually holding the title, and of course he would be there for his best friend’s big day.

 

The wedding itself arrives quickly, and Rafael narrowly skims through a year of different people trying to set him up so he has a date for the wedding. So far, he is still sans date.

 

At least Sonny is dateless, as well. Not that Rafael wouldn’t be happy for him if he had a date, but this way, Sonny is there to crack jokes to make Rafael laugh during all the wedding preparations, he’s available for Rafael to bum a ride off of to Pennsylvania, where the wedding is to take place, and he’s there for Rafael to offer encouraging words when Rafael begins to feel down on himself for being single.

 

“Hey, I don’t have a date either,” Sonny reminds him as they drive together.

 

“Yeah, your misery is my company.”

 

“I’m not miserable,” Sonny replies. “I get to hang out with you. That’s always one of my favorite things to do.”

 

Rafael has to look out the window to hide his smile.

 

But Sonny doesn’t stop.

 

“I get to admire you in an extremely well fitting suit, and my date doesn’t have to get jealous.”

 

Rafael still smiles out the window.

 

“‘You’re gonna look great in your suit too, Sonny,’” Sonny mimics Rafael’s voice.

 

“You’ll look good too, Sonny,” Rafael concedes.

 

He catches Sonny grin out the corner of his eye.

 

“I get to ask you to dance,” Sonny says.

 

“You will?”

 

Sonny nods. “I get to load you up on drinks and keep your mind off everything. I get to try my hardest to make you smile.”

 

“You don’t have to try that hard,” Rafael mumbles.

 

“Raf?” Sonny’s voice is soft.

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Am I the last guy on earth yet?”

 

Rafael’s stomach flutters.

 

Before Rafael can say anything more, Sonny yells, “Oh, come on, you jackass!” and Rafael can only laugh at Sonny’s outburst.

 

The rest of the ride is either spent talking about mundane nothing or in silence, but Rafael never stops thinking about Sonny’s question.

 

* * *

 

 

The rehearsal is fine, but what Rafael looks forward to is getting together with their friends afterwards.

 

Or so he thought he was looking forward to it.

 

Because a nice, friendly evening turns into a million variations of:

 

“Last single guy!”

 

“Drink to the single life, Rafi!”

 

“Enjoy being single!”

 

“We’ll find you someone!”

 

Before it even hits midnight, Rafael isn’t even drunk because he’s silently fuming out all the alcohol. So annoyed, so angry at everyone’s comments, he just drinks and feels nothing but that anger.

 

It rounds midnight and he’s one of the last in the bar. Gina, Evan, and a few more of their friends are still sitting around, Gina and Evan celebrating and everyone else, presumably enjoying a night out without their kids.

 

“Is this normal for you, Rafi?” someone asks. “Getting to spend the night out, do whatever you want?”

 

Rafael’s eyebrows knit together in annoyance. “Uh, no. Because I have a job, a life—“

 

“Yeah, but no one to answer to.”

 

Rafael downs the last of his drink. “Time for me to go.”

 

Gina reaches for his hand. “Come on, Raf—“

 

“No, you guys enjoy your only night of freedom, apparently. And remember this: when I finally do get married, I won’t be envying my single friends like they’re free and I’m not.”

 

“Aw, Rafi—“ someone tries, but Rafael ignores all of them and heads for the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael walks back to the hotel, somehow remembering where it is. He makes it into the elevator in a daze, punches the button to his floor, and waits.

 

He does not think of being single as ‘being free’, and he does not think being in a relationship would be trapped. He is with someone day in and day out. He has dinner with the same person every night, he makes plans with the same person every day, he makes someone else’s coffee perfectly and even throws some of his laundry in with his own.

 

He thinks about someone all the time. He worries about someone constantly. He wonders if he’s alright, hopes he’s okay. He looks forward to someone’s company every evening when he gets off work. He rushes home so he can spend more time with someone.

 

What a gigantic surprise that his person is Sonny.

 

Sonny is his person.

 

Rafael doesn’t even notice he walked past his own room until he’s banging on Sonny’s hotel room door.

 

Sober, thinking clearly, all he wants is Sonny.

 

Sonny slowly opens the door. He looks sleepy and sweet, his hair’s a mess and he’s rubbing his eyes adorably.

 

“Rafi? You okay?”

 

Rafael nods. “I think you’re the last guy on earth.”

 

Sonny drops his hand from his eyes. He looks at Rafael in surprise, but it only lasts a second before Rafael lunges at him, attacking Sonny’s lips with his own and holding on tight.

 

Sonny pulls Rafael into his room, or Rafael is pushing him in. Either way, they’re moving, and the door is shutting, and the room is dark but for slight stripes of light streaming through the curtains on the window.

 

Rafael has never been more comfortable with someone, more perfectly at home in someone’s arms all night.

 

It’s all a blur, a fantastic blur that never seems to end. Rafael feels so good, so beautiful and loved, and Sonny is gorgeous and kind and wonderful. He asks if Rafael is alright about a million times, putting Rafael before himself and making Rafael wonder why they hadn’t been doing this the whole time.

 

But Rafael wasn’t sure until now, until he banged on Sonny’s door and was let in welcomingly.

 

He sleeps well, cradled by Sonny, holding him close, and never wanting to let go.

 

Until he’s being woken up what seems like minutes later by Sonny shaking his arm.

 

“Someone’s coming,” Sonny is whispering.

 

Rafael wakes immediately. Ready for Sonny? Yes. Ready to answer to anybody, explain anything, let everyone know? No.

 

Rafael dives under the blankets right on time for Gina to barge into Sonny’s room.

 

“I’m getting married today!” she yells.

 

“Yay!” Sonny replies, sounding sleepy.

 

“Get up! Let’s go to breakfast! Have you seen Rafi?”

 

“What? No, why would I—“

 

“I just came from his room and he’s not in there. Maybe he got lucky last night!”

 

Sonny forces a laugh. “Ha-ha. Maybe.”

 

“Anyway, I’ll track him down, you meet me downstairs in a few minutes!”

 

“Okay, bye then!”

 

Gina squeals one more time, then runs out of the room.

 

Rafael pops his head out from under the covers. “Do you think she knew I was here?”

 

“I have no idea,” Sonny mumbles, staring at the door.

 

Rafael sits up in the bed. He adjusts the blankets so they’re at his waist, like Sonny is.

 

In new light, Rafael wonders if they did the right thing.

 

Sonny seems just as confused as he feels. “So we’ve...that’s never...happened before...”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Me? Are you?”

 

Sonny looks at him. “I’m just...surprised.”

 

“By wh—“

 

There’s a knock on the door. “Get up!” Gina yells before they hear her footsteps disappear.

 

Rafael moves. “We’d better...”

 

“Huh? Yeah. You take the bathroom first.”

 

Rafael nods, then slides out of the bed, wrapping a sheet around himself awkwardly.

 

* * *

 

 

The entire day is weird. Yes, it’s Gina’s wedding, and Rafael is happy, but he gets no time to talk to Sonny about what happened. Prolonging a talk as such is making Rafael feel worse.

 

Still, Sonny dances with him at the reception, doesn’t leave his side as his best friend usually would, but after the wedding, once it’s time to drive home, Rafael worries again.

 

They drive in silence for half an hour before Sonny cracks. He stopped at a gas station, so the car is parked, and they can talk.

 

“Look, uh, I’ve been thinking. Last night was...it was...wow, Rafi.”

 

“I know, I was there.”

 

Sonny chuckles. “I just...I can’t help but wonder what it’ll do to our friendship. I value our friendship so much. You’re my best friend. What if—“

 

Rafael sighs. Sonny is right, and Rafael can tell what conflicting agony he’s in. He can’t push Sonny into anything, push him to do anything. He doesn’t even know what he wants, either.

 

“I understand, Sonny. We shouldn’t have let that happen.”

 

“I blame Pennsylvania.”

 

Rafael laughs. “Stupid Pennsylvania.”

 

Sonny glances at Rafael. “We’re good, then?”

 

“Of course,” Rafael says, pushing down the disappointment he isn’t sure why he has. “Once we’re back in New York it’ll be...back to normal.”

 

“Great,” Sonny says, “I’m glad. You’re my best friend, Rafi.” Then, he leans over and kisses Rafael’s cheek.

 

He stays close. It’s torture.

 

“You’re my best friend too,” Rafael says back, turning his head to look at Sonny fully. They’re face to face, so close, and Sonny leans over and kisses Rafael.

 

He pulls away after a minute. “Fucking Pennsylvania!”

 

Rafael laughs. “Since we’re still in Pennsylvania...” He pulls Sonny in again, kissing him soundly on the lips.

 

He could get used to this: kissing Sonny. But he can’t. Because once they’re back in New York—

 

“Let’s move to Pennsylvania,” Sonny whispers against Rafael’s lips.

 

Rafael laughs. “I’m not leaving New York.”

 

Sonny smiles. “Okay. Pennsylvania will just be...here.” Sonny sits back and pulls on his seatbelt. “Hey, what are you doing next weekend?”

 

Rafael laughs again. “Not coming to Pennsylvania.”

 

“Damn,” Sonny mutters before starting the car and pulling out of the parking lot.

 

It takes only a few more minutes for everything to be back to normal. For Rafael to tell Sonny about everyone at the bar the night before, how it all made him feel lonely. Rafael reassures Sonny that that isn’t why he slept with him, that it was because he wanted Sonny. Sonny tells Rafael about his entire family asking when it’s “his turn”, and Rafael realizes Sonny had it just as bad, if not worse. Comments from friends is one thing, family is another.

 

They get back into the city, drop the car off, then get to their apartment building. Sonny politely helps Rafael with his things, then they make it up to their floor. Sonny leaves his luggage in front of his door and follows Rafael into his apartment.

 

“Hey, Sonny,” Rafael says, thinking if this is it, the end of their journey before it even began, he’d better say something. “Last night, I wasn’t just lonely. I was in a dark place and I wanted you to comfort me. I wasn’t desperate or anything. So, I just...thank you. For being there for me.”

 

“Of course,” Sonny says, before he steps up to Rafael to take him in a hug.

 

Rafael is way too comfortable with Sonny to just let him go, but it’s what Sonny wants. He has to.

 

“Alright,” Sonny mutters before pulling away. “I’ll go unpack.”

 

“Dinner tonight?” Rafael asks as he watches Sonny go to the door.

 

“Whatever you want, Raf. It’s just me and you now.”

 

“Don’t remind me,” Rafael mutters.

 

Sonny opens the door. “Bye, Rafi.”

 

“Bye, Sonny.”

 

Sonny walks through and shuts the door.

 

Rafael wanders over to the door. He wants to rush through and stop Sonny. He wants to ask Sonny to stay. He wants to take back “them” only happening in Pennsylvania. He wants Sonny.

 

Rafael can’t help it. He throws the door open.

 

Sonny is still there.

 

“I still...I don’t know, smell like Pennsylvania,” Sonny says.

 

Rafael knows what he’s doing; he’s trying to justify it to himself to stay with Rafael.

 

Rafael doesn’t care. He just smiles, reaches for Sonny, and kisses the smile on Sonny’s own face.

 

They kiss in the doorway for a long time. Rafael wraps his arms around Sonny’s waist as Sonny holds his face.

 

Kissing Sonny is the best he’s ever felt; it’s better than their night together, how he felt then. This kiss feels like more, somehow.

 

Dinner that night is just like normal, or their hundredth date, depending on who’s asking. They order Chinese because neither wants to cook, and they talk and laugh and never stop holding hands. Rafael feels a spark with each passing touch.

 

Sonny goes to his own apartment for bed, but not before giving Rafael a goodnight kiss.

 

“See you tomorrow,” he says. “You can walk me to work.”

 

“Mmm,” Rafael agrees.

 

Sonny plays with the collar of Rafael’s shirt. “This is good, right?”

 

“It’s great.”

 

“‘Cause you...I mean...you like me, right?”

 

Rafael chuckles. “Yes, Sonny, I like you.”

 

“‘Cause you weren’t just desperate last night.”

 

“I really wanted you last night.”

 

“And you...still do, right?”

 

Rafael kisses Sonny as an answer. He slips his tongue into Sonny’s mouth, kissing him as dirty as he can without anything else.

 

When they part, Sonny looks dazed.

 

“Okay,” is all he can say in acceptance.

 

Rafael smirks. “Goodnight, Sonny.”

 

“Yeah, night, Rafi.”

 

With that, Rafael shuts his door and listens for Sonny to go into his own apartment. Then, Rafael gets ready for bed, thinking about Sonny and getting butterflies in his stomach the entire time.


	4. IV: Four months later

Gina is not stupid.

 

Although, yes, she is distracted by the changed occurring in her own life, stupid she is not.

 

She’s known almost all along that her brother and her best friend were doin’ it. It occurred to her that maybe it started at her wedding, maybe before, but it didn’t go unnoticed that after that weekend in Pennsylvania, they were just...different. A good different. Kinder, softer, somehow more joined at the hip.

 

Of course, at first, Gina was apprehensive.

 

Her little brother is a giant puppy dog, heart bursting out of his pores with every emotion: too loving, too happy, too angry, too scared.

 

And her best friend is the exact opposite: never showed that he was too loving, happy at all, always angry, and rarely scared. She could count on two hands the times Rafael’s emotions got the best of him, if she’s being generous with counting, and even though she knows the man is very capable of having a gigantic heart—she’s seen him with his Abuela, no man is softer than with his grandmother—she was unsure of whether or not Rafael would let Sonny in to see it.

 

But, Gina knew, Sonny knew all of this. Sonny would know exactly what he was walking into in pursuing a relationship with Rafael. Sonny’s known him long enough. Sonny’s closer than Gina is with Rafael in some ways; they live across the hall from each other, for goodness sake. Sonny does know Rafael inside and out, and Sonny is old enough and smart enough to know whether or not Rafael was something he wanted to deal with.

 

Clearly, he was, because Gina walked into Rafael’s apartment a dozen times by now to the two men quickly breaking apart from an intimate moment.

 

Gina may know this, but she also knows to act oblivious. From day one, she knew she’d wait for them, wait for their explanation, wait for them to be ready.

 

Four months in, she didn’t think she’d need to wait so long. She wondered how long two people could keep such a gigantic secret.

 

By month four, she’s sure they’re not just doin’ it anymore. Knowing Rafael, if that was the case, he would’ve tired of Sonny long ago. Likewise, knowing Sonny, he wouldn’t have settled for a dead end relationship for so long.

 

But what’s going on?

 

At the end of month four, Gina just wanted them to be happy and open. She wanted them to stop fearing what others would say, fearing their own feelings, and just being honest. At least with her. Because acting oblivious to finding Sonny’s clothes in Rafael’s apartment, Sonny exiting his bedroom in just his underwear and clearly staying quiet to not wake “whoever” was in his bed, and Rafael lying about working late so often, was getting tiring.

 

Simply, Gina is tired of playing their game.

 

Because she is not stupid.

 

Gina has a plan. It may be mean, cruel, but she’ll get it out of them, even if she has to crack first and confront them straight out.

 

She starts small, mentioning single friends here and there that one or both men may be interested in.

 

Over dinner one night, she mentions, “Hey, Son, remember my friend Kayla? She wanted to talk to you at the wedding but you were being hogged by this guy all night. What’d’ya say, wanna meet her?”

 

She does not miss the uptick of Rafael’s eyebrow as he glances at Sonny for a confirmation or denial.

 

“Uh, you know what?” Sonny says, clearing his throat awkwardly. “I’m just...super busy right now.”

 

Gina nods. “Right, of course, I’ll let her know.”

 

And then Sonny glances at Rafael, and they lock eyes for a moment, and Gina smirks into her pasta.

 

Then, it’s Rafael’s turn. Grabbing coffee one morning before they part for work, no Sonny around because he had to go in early, Gina mentions another friend.

 

“Hey Rafi, Evan has this friend who’s single. Cute lawyer from the upper west side—“

 

“I’ll pass,” Rafael quickly says, grabbing his coffee from the barista in a sort of huff.

 

Gina schools a smirk growing on her face and just smiles at the girl instead. “I just thought, y’know, because you’re single—“

 

“What if I’m single?” Rafael asks.

 

Gina shrugs. “You just spend an awful lot of time with Sonny, and I thought—“

 

If Gina didn’t know any better, she would think Rafael let out a blush. He certainly looks a bit flustered.

 

“I don’t need you setting me up with anyone, since that’s what you’re worried about.”

 

“Fine, fine,” Gina says. “Maybe I’ll just tell Sonny—“

 

“He’s busy.”

 

Gina chokes on a laugh. She hides it behind a sip of coffee.

 

“With...the case we’re on,” Rafael quickly adds.

 

“Right,” Gina says, catching her breath. “Well, maybe next time. Hey, want to see a movie tonight?”

 

“Uh...I can’t. I’ll be working late.”

 

Rafael is not rushing into the office like he would be if he were working on an extremely important hearing. Instead, he’s been taking it easy with Gina all morning and she knows he’s lying.

 

“Too bad,” Gina says. “Well, maybe later this week.”

 

Rafael nods, but Gina can tell he’s distracted with making up some more excuses to not hang out with her.

 

Instead of teasing him some more, Gina lets him off the hook.

 

“I’d better go,” she says, leaning in to kiss his cheek goodbye. “See you later. Tell Sonny I said hi.”

 

“Sonny?” Rafael asks, flustered. “Wh-when will I even—“

 

“Aren’t you on your way to the precinct?”

 

“Oh, right.”

 

Gina smiles, pushing down another laugh. “Bye, Rafi.”

 

“Bye,” is all he says before she turns her back to walk away from him.

 

Gina at least waits until she’s a block away to burst into laughter. It’s funny, but it’s getting to be ridiculous.

 

About a week later, Gina is having drinks with a friend from work. Both newlyweds, they were making plans to get together with their husbands.

 

“I wish my brother would just tell me he’s dating my best friend so we could all go on double-dates.”

 

“Wait,” Cindy, her friend, asks, “Your brother is secretly dating your best friend?”

 

Gina explains the whole situation. How they got together at or before her wedding, how they won’t tell her, and how she’s been trying to get them to admit it all by trying to set them up with people.

 

The final step in the plan is all Cindy’s idea. She offers to tag along to a dinner with Gina, Sonny, and Rafael, and act as a surprise blind date for Sonny. Gina, a little tipsy, is more than happy with this idea and finds it hilarious. They set up a dinner for next weekend, then they toast their brilliant idea.

 

Gina takes Cindy to dinner later that week. They giggle all the way up to Rafael’s apartment, but once they’re at the door, their emotions are cool and collected.

 

Gina knocks. She didn’t used to knock, but she’s gotten very used to it due to circumstances of not wanting to walk in on something she didn’t want to see. So, she knocks on the door and waits for Rafael.

 

He answers with a smile on his face, but it is quickly shut down with a look of confusion.

 

“Oh, hi,” Rafael mutters as Gina walks in, sweeping pass with a kiss on his cheek.

 

“Is Sonny here?” Gina asks instead of greeting. “This is my friend Cindy.”

 

“Yeah, he’s—“

 

Just then, Sonny exits the bathroom with an equal look of confusion.

 

“Son,” Gina says, taking Cindy with her to meet Sonny. “This is Cindy.”

 

She pushes Cindy in front of her so she can meet Sonny, giving Sonny a thumbs up and wiggling her eyebrows at him. Sonny looks surprised, but he knows what’s going on.

 

“Hey, how’s it going?” Sonny greets kindly.

 

Gina hears the front door slam behind them.

 

The entire evening is hilarious. Sonny, looking torn between wanting to help Rafael around the kitchen like he normally would, but not wanting to be rude to their guest, and also being caught in a few lies. Gina can see Sonny wanted to avoid being on two dates, as he usually just avoids acting like he’s on one when it’s just the three of them together.

 

All in all, Gina finds it hilarious: Sonny’s confusion, Rafael’s irritation, and Cindy’s brilliant acting like she’s so into Sonny. Gina almost wants to pull her aside and remind her she’s married, but she knows how into the joke Cindy is. She hilariously tries to get Sonny to open up about his entire life.

 

“So, where’d you grow up?” she asks him.

 

“Staten Island, just like Gina.”

 

“Yeah? Ooh, I bet you just a big stud in high school.”

 

Sonny forces a chuckle. “Uh, not really. Nobody thought the hockey guys were studs.”

 

“Hockey? I would’ve thought more of a football guy,” she flirts, adding a squeeze to Sonny’s bicep.

 

Sonny’s eyes widen. “Oh, uh, well, hockey requires a good amount of, uh...muscle, too.”

 

“Mmm, and police work,” Cindy says, still squeezing Sonny’s arm.

 

Gina is next to Rafael, and she just laughs at his annoyed glare at the “couple” on the couch.

 

Rafael speaks up as they set the table, Gina still helping him because Sonny hasn’t left Cindy on the couch.

 

“A little inappropriate for you to bring Sonny a date to my house, isn’t it?”

 

“Is it?” Gina asks, sipping her wine. She’s done it before. In the past, Rafael was amused by it. He though Sonny being set up on a surprise blind date was hilarious.

 

“They seem to be hitting it off,” Gina adds. “We could just...send them across the hall.”

 

Rafael drops the spoon he was about to place neatly in a napkin. Gina holds back a laugh.

 

“You okay?”

 

Rafael nods. “Time to eat.”

 

Sonny and Cindy join them, and the four sit to eat. Rafael avoids eye contact with Sonny, and Gina hopes she isn’t causing any unnecessary tension in their relationship. At the same time, she thinks it’s their fault they won’t just tell her.

 

They eat in peace, Cindy annoyingly and purposefully talking about herself. Gina knows she’s not really that obnoxious, but she is staying in her made up character. It makes Gina laugh, but the two men are clearly growing more and more uncomfortable as time goes on. Rafael is driven more and more crazy as the evening progresses, as he is looks like he wants to jump across the table and pry Cindy’s wandering fingers from Sonny’s arm.

 

Dessert is served very quickly after dinner, and Gina knows it’s just so the women will leave.

 

But of course, Cindy doesn’t let it end that quickly.

 

“So Sonny,” she says in the middle of the pie Sonny made. “Your apartment is right across the hall?”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

“Want to...show it to me?” she asks, grinning slightly.

 

Sonny glances at Rafael, who looks murderous, then at Gina, who looks at him expectantly.

 

“We can finish this wonderful pie more privately,” Cindy offers, leaning toward Sonny.

 

Sonny looks like he doesn’t know if he wants to make an excuse or if he wants to just go to keep the secret, but keeping the secret slowly wins.

 

Sonny gathers his plate and stands from the tiny table, and Cindy joins with a look of amusement on her face.

 

“Guess it wasn’t a bad idea after all,” Gina mutters to Rafael.

 

Rafael watches as the fake couple slowly goes to the door, Sonny looking ready to stop at any word.

 

Finally, finally! Rafael gives in.

 

“Sonny, stop,” he says, standing from the table. “You can’t sleep with her!”

 

Gina leans back in her seat to gaze up at Rafael. “And why can’t he?”

 

Rafael looks down at Gina. “Because I’m in love with Sonny.”

 

Gina lets out a loud laugh. “I knew it!”

 

“You, what?” Sonny asks.

 

Gina stands, too. “I said I knew it, I knew it all along, and—“

 

Sonny is pushing past her. “Not you, shut up. What did you just say?” he asks Rafael.

 

“I said I’m in love with you,” Rafael admits. “And I...I would be very unhappy if you slept with Gina’s friend.”

 

Gina speaks again. “Oh, Cindy’s married. This whole thing was a trick to—“

 

Sonny holds a hand up to her to get her to stop talking. Gina does.

 

“I love you too, Rafi,” Sonny says. “I just...wasn’t sure how you felt, and I didn’t want to tell Gina to back off without askin’ you first, but I wouldn’t have done anything, because I love you, and—“

 

Rafael takes hold of the bottom of Sonny’s shirt to pull him in. Gina practically holds her breath in anticipation. The moment she’s been waiting for...

 

Sonny turns back to her. “Don’t think you’re not off the hook.”

 

“Would you just kiss your boyfriend!”

 

Sonny smiles. Rafael’s smile matches. Sonny turns back to him and plants a slow, sweet kiss on his lips.

 

Gina is far too happy for them. She high-fives Cindy.

 

“Let’s get out of here,” Gina says, moving to the door and grabbing her purse. “I’ll call you guys later!”

 

Sonny just waves her away.

 

Gina and Cindy leave the apartment in a fit of laughter, triumphant smiles on their faces and a bit of joy knowing her brother and best friend are happy.

 

 

 


	5. V: One Month Later

It feels so good to wake up next to Sonny. To get dressed next to Sonny. To make breakfast for Sonny. To kiss Sonny goodbye before Sonny leaves first, or before parting ways to go to each respective office. 

 

It feels so good to not hide any of this from Gina anymore.

 

Rafael gets to kiss Sonny freely, until Gina inevitably makes puke noises because she, “doesn’t want to see that from her little brother!” They get to be sweeter, and kinder, just as they were in private, except now their sole person knows, and they can be open and happy around her.

 

It was a hard few months, being a secret. It was hard to lie to his best friend, the one person he’s always told everything to. Of course, the morning after it first happened, Rafael wanted to tell her, but he couldn’t then, and he didn’t, and even though she tricked the truth out of them, Rafael is glad for it.

 

Being open and honest has done wonders for his relationship with Sonny. He can call Sonny his boyfriend. He can tell Sonny he loves him. And he does, often, any time he can, in many ways.

 

Whispered in the hushed night, “I love you.”

 

Muttered over morning coffee, “I love you.”

 

Kissing during an evening movie, “I love you.”

 

Every day, all the time, “I love you.”

 

Rafael is so deliriously happy, it hurt. It truly hurts when they are apart at work, when Sonny is on a call, when he is too busy to have lunch or too late to have dinner. It hurts when Sonny is out all night and can’t make a phone call, but it is fortunate that all Sonny has to do is go across the hall when getting home. They are so close. To say goodnight, he just needs to use the key he’s had for years.

 

Rafael is so in love.

 

Obviously it shows, judging by the look of adoration Gina always has on her face now.

 

This morning, over breakfast, as Rafael looks at Sonny, Gina looks at Rafael.

 

“What?” Rafael finally asks when Sonny gets up to get his suit jacket to leave for work.

 

“I’m just glad you’re good to my brother,” Gina says. “So I don’t have to kick your ass.”

 

Rafael snorts on coffee. “Yeah, okay,” Rafael chokes out.

 

Gina lifts an eyebrow, very Sonny-like. “You don’t think I would? Try me. Hurt my brother.”

 

Rafael smirks. “You’re lucky I don’t want to hurt him.”

 

“Because you’re afraid of me.”

 

“Because I love him,” Rafael corrects.

 

“You love who?” Sonny asks, reentering the room.

 

“You,” Rafael easily says.

 

Sonny smiles. Rafael loves that smile so much.

 

“Well, you’re in luck,” Sonny says, getting closer. “Because I love you, too.” He sweeps down and quickly kisses Rafael’s cheek.

 

Rafael can’t help but smile. And want to pull Sonny down for a better kiss, longer kiss, but he has not forgotten their company.

 

“Alright children,” Sonny announces, “I gotta go.” He downs the last of his coffee and takes it to the sink to rinse.

 

“You’ve got him trained so well,” Gina comments.

 

Rafael rolls his eyes.

 

Sonny speaks up before Rafael can. “It’s not his fault Ma taught me manners.”

 

Gina laughs.

 

Sonny returns to them at the table. “Okay, I’m out. Raf, if I can, I’ll stop by for lunch.”

 

“Just let me know,” Rafael says, softer than he expected to.

 

Sonny leans over, closer and closer to Rafael, then—

 

Sonny looks at Gina. “Look away.”

 

Gina rolls her eyes, but gets up from the table to clear her plate.

 

Sonny gives Rafael a meaningful kiss. Rafael reaches up to grip his tie to hold him in place.

 

After a minute, a long kiss, Sonny pulls away. Rafael almost doesn’t let him move.

 

“I gotta go,” he says. “I’ll miss you, too.” Because of course he can see right through Rafael’s actions.

 

“See you later.”

 

Sonny gives him a bright smile. “Love you.”

 

“Love you.”

 

Sonny leans in again.

 

Gina pushes at Sonny. “He can’t miss you if you’re still here.”

 

“You could shut up,” Sonny says, standing.

 

“You could bite me.”

 

Sonny walks passed her to the door, flicking her ear once as he passes.

 

Rafael just sits back and laughs.

 

“Rafi, I love you,” Sonny says one more time.

 

“I love you too,” Rafael answers, then Sonny slips out the front door.

 

When Rafael takes his eyes away from the door and catches Gina’s gaze again, she’s staring at him amused.

 

“Uh...what?” Rafael asks.

 

“When’s the big day?” Gina teases.

 

Rafael scoffs. “What are you talking about?”

 

“The big day, Rafi!”

 

Rafael is confused. Surely Gina doesn’t mean—

 

“Your wedding...” she confirms.

 

Rafael scoffs again, this time to cover up his instant nerves.

 

Marriage...it’s never been for him. His parents’ marriage was terrible, he’s never really seen a healthy marriage. Everyone breaks up or leaves or things end terribly. He’s never thought of himself as wanting to get married. Not even, or yet, because of how much he loves Sonny.

 

“I’m...we’re not—“

 

Gina lifts an eyebrow, squaring Rafael with a look he instantly gives right back.

 

“We’re not,” Rafael repeats, this time more sure. “And don’t say stuff like that to Sonny. I don’t want you putting crazy ideas in his head.”

 

Gina chuckles. “Rafi, you realize these thoughts are probably already in Sonny’s head?”

 

Panic flashes through Rafael again; what has Sonny said?

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Well, come on. Sonny’s the little boy who used to carry Bella around like she was his baby. He used to play house with the girls next door instead of baseball with their older brothers. He used to ask my ma to marry him all the time. You’ve been in this relationship for a few months? Sonny’s been waiting to get married his entire life.”

 

Rafael’s smile had fallen during Gina’s speech. He can’t stop more and more panic from rising and rising. Gina can’t be serious; Sonny doesn’t want to get married now. It’s too soon, too fast, too much. He loves Sonny, but—

 

“You know I’m right,” Gina adds when Rafael is too quiet for too long.

 

Rafael shakes her head. “No, no, see, I see two different Sonny’s. The first is my crazy friend from across the hall, who is, you know, into marriage and all of that. The second is my brand new boyfriend who is not ready to marry me.”

 

Gina sits back in her chair. “Okay, fine, you know him better than I do.”

 

“I do, that’s right. I do.”

 

Rafael isn’t even convincing himself. What if Sonny does want to get married? What if Sonny is ready? What if Sonny is ready to marry him?

 

He is certainly not ready to marry Sonny.

 

Rafael is thrown off all day. He can’t focus in the office, and luckily he doesn’t have court because he’d be a mess. He goes through the day like a zombie because he can’t stop thinking about everything Gina said.

 

He and Sonny...getting married...

 

Later that evening, Sonny stops by his apartment after work. Sonny is sweet and tired, and Rafael, despite all of his day’s worries, can’t help but pull Sonny close to him on the couch.

 

It’s so nice, holding Sonny close, feeling Sonny’s breaths, hearing Sonny’s laughs as they watch crappy television, that Rafael is almost able to forget about everything Gina had said earlier that morning.

 

Until Sonny mutters, “God, Rafi, I could just stay like this forever.”

 

Rafael’s eyes widen and it all comes crashing back. He slightly pushes Sonny. “Or, you know, we could move.”

 

Sonny slowly sits up.

 

Rafael practically jumps off the couch.

 

“What’s wrong?” Sonny asks, watching Rafael.

 

“Nothing, I...just need some space. Coffee?”

 

Sonny follows him up. “I’m good. Seriously, what’s going on?”

 

“Coffee,” Rafael repeats.

 

“Coffee is why you’ve been acting weird all day?”

 

Rafael frowns. “Look, I’m just...I’m not ready.”

 

Sonny looks confused. “For...coffee?”

 

Rafael puts the pot down. “No, okay, I’m not ready to get married. And I know you and you’re all marriage crazy and—“

 

“Wow, wow, what are you talking about?”

 

“Y-you, and marriage—“

 

Sonny rolls his eyes. “I knew you were going to do this.”

 

“Do what?”

 

“Get all freaked out. I knew Gina was gonna joke around—“

 

“But you want all that.”

 

“Oh, you know what I want?”

 

“Yes! I know you! I know you want marriage and babies!”

 

“Unbelievable. You know what, Rafi? This isn’t about me, it’s about you. It’s about you and your weird anti-relationship crap.”

 

“No, I know you. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking about marriage and commitment and—“

 

“Oh, you know me so well, huh? Well, do you know I’m not hanging out with you tomorrow night, that I’m having dinner with Rollins and Jesse? And do you know today, I could’ve had lunch with you, but I thought I’d give you some space. ‘Cause I know you. And I know you need space.”

 

Rafael rubs his forehead. He didn’t mean to fight with Sonny.

 

“And you know,” Sonny continues, “I don’t even want to be over here right now. I’m gonna go to bed. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

 

Rafael frowns. “Sonny—“

 

Sonny shakes his head, then goes to the door and leaves the apartment.

 

Of course, as soon as Sonny walks out, Rafael begins to panic more. He can’t lose Sonny. He can’t lose Sonny’s love, Sonny’s friendship. He can’t lose his best friend.

 

It’s late, but Rafael calls Gina anyway.

 

She answers groggily. “Hello?”

 

“What have you done?” he demands.

 

“Uh...huh?”

 

“You! You said all those things about Sonny and marriage! And now he’s mad and—“

 

“Oh my god, you said something? What did you say?”

 

Rafael sighs. “You just freaked me out, okay? And he left. He’s...we fought.”

 

“Oh, Rafi.”

 

“Tell me it’s fixable.”

 

“Okay, it’ll be fine. Just apologize with some grand gesture. Show him you love him.”

 

“Grand gesture?”

 

“Show him you want this.”

 

Rafael understands. He does want it. He does want Sonny.

 

The next morning, Rafael runs out as soon as he’s up and does the most insane and grand thing he can think of: he buys an engagement ring.

 

It’s simple, bought quickly, and probably not something he’d ever buy for Sonny. But it doesn’t matter, because he loves Sonny, and he wants to do this.

 

He rushes back to Sonny’s apartment to catch him before work.

 

Rafael runs in and immediately sees Gina.

 

“Where’s Sonny?”

 

Sonny, standing right behind her at the other side of the kitchen counter, raises his hand. “I’m Sonny.”

 

Rafael steps up to him. “Sonny, can I talk to you?”

 

“Uh, sure.” He pointedly looks at Gina.

 

Gina slides off a barstool. “Okay, fine, I’ll wait outside, but nobody eat my danish.”

 

Rafael waits for Gina to leave before he leads Sonny to sit on the same stool Gina had just occupied.

 

“Listen, I just want to tell you that I love you so much, and I don’t want to lose you. So...” Rafael slowly lowers to one knee and pulls the ring from his coat pocket. “Will you marry me?”

 

“Oh my god,” Sonny sighs out.

 

From outside the door, Gina yells, “Oh my god!”

 

Sonny ignores her. “A-are you serious?”

 

“Well...I...yeah, I think so. I love you. And I’m sorry.”

 

“Do you really think ‘I’m sorry’ is a good reason to get married?”

 

Rafael shrugs. “Well the best reason is pregnancy and luckily that won’t happen for us.” He lets out a nervous chuckle.

 

“That’s the best reason?” Sonny questions.

 

“Well, besides love and being ready, and, again, I’m sorry.”

 

Sonny touches Rafael’s face. “Baby, can you just think about how insane this is?”

 

Rafael takes a second to think it over. Every step until now has seemed like a dream. A dream he cannot go through with. A dream that cannot come true. At least, not right now.

 

“Okay, I’m...I’m seeing it now,” Rafael mutters. “Kind of wish Gina wasn’t here.”

 

Sonny slides onto the floor to kneel in front of Rafael. “Honey, listen, none of that stuff came from me. I’ve never told you I want to get married right now. Sure, you know I’ve always wanted to get married, but I’ve never said, like, to you, right now. Okay? I’m enjoying this as much as you are. It’s brand new to me, too. I just want to enjoy you. Can we just...enjoy each other?”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

Sonny cracks a smile. “Okay,” he says, before leaning forward and kissing Rafael lightly.

 

When he pulls away, Sonny is laughing. “What would you have done if I would have said yes?”

 

“Well, I would have been very excited to spend my life with you. Or I would have, you know, ran away, changed my name, and you would’ve never heard from me again.”

 

Sonny rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you’re totally marriage material.”

 

Rafael kisses him. “I do love you, though. So, so much.”

 

Sonny wraps his arms around Rafael’s neck. “I love you too, Rafi.”

 

Sonny kisses Rafael again.

 

The front door opens. Gina walks in briskly, grabs her plated danish and cup of coffee.

 

“I’ll just be across the hall,” Gina mutters before exiting the apartment again.

 

Rafael knows they should stand, he should eat breakfast, but he just doesn’t want to let Sonny go, even though his knees are beginning to ache.

 

Luckily, Sonny stands first.

 

“Come on,” he says, helping Rafael up. “You’re an old man. We both know you can’t kneel for too long.”

 

Rafael struggles to stand. “Ha-ha. Thanks.”

 

Sonny pours Rafael a cup of coffee. He hands it over with a kiss to Rafael’s cheek.

 

“So, we’re good?” Sonny asks.

 

Rafael nods, thanking God. Everything is fine. They’re good.

 

 


	6. VI: Seven Months Later

Rafael had never been so happy in his life. Everything was brilliant, perfect, with his perfect job and perfect boyfriend and perfect everything.

 

Suddenly, Rafael had blinked and a year passed.

 

An entire year with Sonny. An entire year with anyone, in a real, grown up relationship.

 

Rafael is sure the only reason it went by so quickly and so relatively smoothly was because Sonny was so easy. His best friend, his neighbor, his coworker, he didn’t need to waste time getting to know Sonny, he didn’t need to get to the point of wanting to see Sonny every day, because he already did. He already wanted to spend every chance he could with Sonny, he already had breakfast, lunch, and dinner more often than not with Sonny. He already loved Sonny, in a way.

 

It is so grand to fall in love with Sonny.

 

So, around the upcoming anniversary of a year Rafael never expected and would never forget, Gina decided she wanted to have a getaway for the first anniversary of her marriage. Of course, this meant Sonny and Rafael, along with a few of Gina’s couple-friends, crashing a trip to Las Vegas. The men planned to gamble, the women planned to party, and Sonny and Rafael were planning on never leaving their hotel room.

 

Rafael is actually excited for Las Vegas. A weekend away with Sonny? And sure, Gina will be there, but it’ll be fine, they won’t be together the entire time. Rafael will still have his time away with Sonny.

 

Apart from getting together in Pennsylvania, it’ll be their first time away together. Rafael’s never travelled with anybody before. He’s never had a boyfriend serious enough to want to travel with. He’s never had anyone he’d willingly put his work-life on hold for. But with Sonny? He’d travel the world.

 

They board a plane from JFK ready for a brilliant weekend. Rafael holds Sonny’s hand, rubs circles soothingly over his thumb, and doesn’t even let go to accept their small plane snack. He just can’t let go.

 

“Hey, so,” Sonny says, turning a little bit to Rafael. “I wanna give you your present now.”

 

“What?” Rafael asks. “But our anniversary isn’t until tomorrow.”

 

Sonny smiles softly. “I know, but...it’s something I really have to give you before we get to Vegas.”

 

Rafael is confused, but intrigued. “Okay, sure.”

 

Sonny smiles widely, then reaches one-handedly under his seat for his carryon. He takes out a single sheet of paper, folded in thirds, and hands it to Rafael.

 

Even more confused, Rafael takes it and unfolds it.

 

To his surprise, it’s a hotel confirmation receipt for the Bellagio Hotel, which is a different hotel than Gina had originally planned for her friends on the trip to stay. Rafael was not very happy about staying there, on the same floor in the same hotel as the rest of the party, because he was hoping for a little bit more privacy than that, and Sonny pulled through and surprised Rafael with what he wanted.

 

“What?” Rafael asks in surprise. “When did you do this? Why—“

 

“Hey, because I love you. And I wanted to make you happy.”

 

Rafael leans over and kisses Sonny quickly. “Thank you, this really, really made my weekend.”

 

Sonny laughs. “And I knew you weren’t the most excited about staying so close to Gina.”

 

Rafael is too happy. “Do you want your present?”

 

Rafael didn’t get Sonny anything nearly as thoughtful, just a set of cuff links. Sonny needed cuff links for his suits when Rafael drags him to shows. Still, he reaches down for his carryon and digs through it.

 

Unfortunately, there is no little jewelry box to be found.

 

“Oh, come on...” Rafael sighs. “Well, great. This is terrible.”

 

“Hey, don’t let it ruin our vacation. You can just give them to me when we get back.”

 

Rafael slowly looks up. “What do you mean ‘them’?”

 

“Oh, uh...”

 

Rafael narrows his eyes. “What do you know?”

 

Sonny diverts his eyes. “I, uh, found the box in your underwear drawer.”

 

Rafael eyes him still. “Couple of questions. What were you doing in my underwear drawer?”

 

“I...didn’t have any clean.”

 

“I did your laundry last week!”

 

Sonny smoothly lets Rafael’s hand go, then puts his arm around Rafael’s shoulders. “And haven’t I ever told you how cute you are?”

 

“Flattery will only get you so far.”

 

Sonny kisses his temple.

 

He unwraps his arm from Rafael’s shoulder and sits back in his seat. He spots Gina coming down the isle towards them.

 

Rafael zips his bag to put it back under his seat. “I still can’t believe this. This is terrible.”

 

Gina stops by their seat. “Oh, good, you told Rafi about lunch with Jennifer.”

 

The name makes Rafael cringe. Sonny dated Jennifer a few years ago, when he was in college, and Rafael remembers they were pretty hot and heavy until Sonny proposed to her. Of course, she said no, and Sonny was heartbroken for a long time. At the time, Rafael didn’t like Jennifer, but being the only other person who’s held Sonny’s heart so tightly, Rafael really doesn’t like her now.

 

“What?” Rafael asks.

 

“Yeah, Sonny just told me he ran into Jennifer and—“

 

“He doesn’t need the details,” Sonny snaps at her.

 

“Actually, I think I do,” Rafael says.

 

Sonny glares at Gina, then she scurries off towards the bathroom.

 

Rafael is ready to listen to Sonny’s explanation. Rafael is also unreasonably jealous. Rafael also really hates Jennifer.

 

“So, I just ran into her, okay? I was on my way to lunch, so, I just invited her.”

 

“You were on your way to lunch with me, and had lunch with your ex instead?”

 

“Baby—“

 

Rafael sits back in his seat and crosses his arms, efficiently pouting and not being swayed by pet names.

 

Sonny sighs dramatically.

 

Most of the rest of the flight is silent. They do talk about work, but they don’t talk about their personal life. Rafael needs time to be mad.

 

Jennifer was the love of Sonny’s life. He was so ready for a life with her that he asked her to marry him, and now it’s been a year and Sonny hasn’t mentioned marrying Rafael once. What is different about him? Does Sonny not think of him in that way? Does Sonny not want a life with Rafael?

 

They land in Las Vegas and get to their hotel. It’s big, fancy, beautiful, and Rafael is too blinded by his jealousy to notice.

 

Once they’re checked in and upstairs in their plush hotel room, Sonny throws his bags onto the bed and asks, “You gonna be mad at me all weekend?”

 

Rafael just shrugs.

 

Sonny stomps to the door. “Fine.” He throws the door open and exits with so much force that Rafael feels it in his bones.

 

He feels his heart just about shatter with the door slamming.

 

* * *

 

 

Somehow, Rafael ends up at Gina’s hotel anyway. He stands behind her as she plays a slot machine and yells at it every few seconds.

 

Rafael asks, “Why didn’t you—“

 

“Oh, mother fucker—“

 

Rafael ignores her. “—tell me about his lunch with Jennifer?” he asks.

 

Gina snorts. “What, and you blow up on me?”

 

“Why didn’t he tell me—“

 

“God damn it—“

 

“—about it?”

 

Gina glances at him. “Seriously? You’re the most jealous person I’ve ever met.”

 

“What?! How could you—“

 

“Bitch!”

 

Rafael grasps Gina’s arm. “Okay, can you focus on me for a second?”

 

Gina turns to him. “You know what he told me when he told me he ran into her? He said he felt nothing for her. She was going on about her divorce and he said he was just glad it wasn’t him. He loves you. And if you’re still threatened by this girl he knew ten years ago? Then you clearly don’t know my brother.”

 

That all sinks in to Rafael. She’s right. He’s with Sonny now. He can’t let the little things bother him, especially when they really don’t matter.

 

Still, he’d rather Sonny tell him things and not intentionally keep them from him.

 

Still again, he’d rather table this discussion for New York and enjoy Las Vegas with his beloved.

 

Rafael says goodbye to Gina, then takes off back to his hotel, hoping to find Sonny there. The weekend can’t be a total loss. He only hopes Sonny will still be up for a vacation.

 

Rafael is surprised to find Sonny so easily in the casino, and he is even more surprised to see him happy and gambling, laughing and drinking with new friends at a craps table. Disappointed, because clearly Sonny is okay without him, Rafael goes up to their room to pack his things and rush to the airport for the first flight back to New York.

 

* * *

 

 

The problem is that Rafael doesn’t really want to leave. He doesn’t want to get on another long plane ride in the same day, and he certainly doesn’t want to leave Sonny. He wants to discuss the problem and resolve it.

 

But, on the off chance that Sonny really is happier on vacation without him, Rafael gets a flight and packs his bag.

 

Then, because he’s the single most dramatic person ever, he walks right behind Sonny at the craps table and mutters, “Bye Sonny. Happy anniversary.” to the other man.

 

“Huh?” he hears Sonny venture as he walks away. “What? Rafi? Where you goin’?”

 

“Back to New York,” Rafael says, even more dramatically.

 

Sonny is following him. “What? Rafi, babe, come on.”

 

Rafael finally stops when Sonny grabs his hand once they’re in a more secluded part of the casino lobby.

 

“I was going to try to talk to you about it,” Rafael says, “You have to understand why I’m upset.”

 

“I do, I really do. If you’d had a heart before me, I’d be mad about you having lunch with an ex, too.”

 

Rafael rolls his eyes, knowing Sonny is trying to joke. “It’s just...she’s the love of your life, Sonny.”

 

Sonny snorts and shakes his head. “Not even, Rafi. This is completely different.”

 

“Right, because she—“

 

“You want to know the difference? The difference is that I’m a grown up now. I’m not 20 anymore. I want a real relationship with you. Jennifer? That wasn’t real, Rafi. I didn’t love her like I love you. I wasn’t afraid of her saying no and driving her away. I’m afraid of you saying no and driving you away. I love you so much. It’d kill me if I lost you.”

 

“You still didn’t tell me about it.”

 

“No, and that was wrong. Next time I’ll definitely tell you.” He smirks, the little shit.

 

Rafael lifts an eyebrow. “Next time?”

 

“Yeah, next time I do somethin’ that makes you jealous, I’ll definitely tell you.”

 

Rafael diverts his eyes. “I’m not jealous.”

 

“Sure.”

 

Rafael cracks a smile.

 

Sonny grabs his bag. “Now, come on. Let’s start over. It’s our anniversary. An entire year of me wakin’ up being afraid you were gonna change your mind.”

 

“I would never.”

 

Sonny smiles. “You say that—“

 

“I mean it,” Rafael reassures him. “Marry me.”

 

“Rafi, we went over—“

 

“No, I’m serious. You’re never going to drive me away, Sonny.”

 

Sonny’s smile somehow grows. “Let’s do it.”

 

Rafael doesn’t feel scared, or nervous; he feels impossibly happier.

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael orders a Lyft. He usually does, opposed to cabs, even though he’s a born and bred New Yorker. They wait not five minutes before one arrives to take them to the nearest little chapel.

 

“Who’s gettin’ hitched?” the driver asks.

 

Sonny smiles at Rafael. “We are.”

 

“Sweet,” the driver says, then takes off down the strip.

 

Rafael hardly sees the lights, even though they’re gleaming in Sonny’s eyes. All he sees is joy, and eagerness, not a hint of nerves. He doesn’t even feel nerves himself, just excitement. Excitement to be with Sonny forever.

 

The driver lets them off with an absentminded congratulations, but Rafael and Sonny hardly hear it anyway. They jump out of the car and head for the entrance.

 

Sonny gets to the door first. He pulls hard and almost stumbles back when the door doesn’t budge.

 

“Push, dumbass,” Rafael mutters.

 

“You give me the sweetest pet names,” Sonny replies as he pushes the door. It doesn’t move.

 

“What the—“

 

Sonny presses his hands to the glass, then his face, so he can see clearer in.

 

“Raf, there’s nothing in there.”

 

“What?” Rafael asks, following Sonny to peek into the building. “What the hell?”

 

“Guess it’s closed up,” Sonny says. “What do you want to do?”

 

Rafael does not take it as a bad sign. He orders another Lyft to go to the next chapel.

 

——

 

Luckily, the second place is open. They walk in, sign the forms, but when they both reach for their wallet, their pockets are empty.

 

“Shit,” Rafael mutters. “I put my wallet and things in my carryon.”

 

“And I was only holding a little bit of cash at the casino.”

 

“You don’t have any left?”

 

Sonny takes a dollar out of his pocket. “What can we get for a dollar?”

 

The cashier chuckles. “Quarters for the gum machine.”

 

“You’re very helpful,” Rafael says.

 

The cashier shrugs, then calls for the next happy couple to come up.

 

Rafael leads Sonny away from the counter.

 

“Well?” he asks.

 

Sonny shrugs. “We could go get our wallets.”

 

Rafael checks his watch. “It’s already ten.”

 

“Come on, old man. It’s Vegas.”

 

“I live in ‘The City That Never Sleeps’ and I’m usually in bed by nine. You know this.”

 

Sonny rolls his eyes playfully. “Let’s just try it, okay? Let’s do this.”

 

Rafael nods. “Okay,” he agrees, before taking his phone out to order another Lyft.

 

* * *

 

 

Their ride back to the hotel is quiet, as is their ride in the elevator. Rafael is tired. He had anticipated a romantic dinner, then early to bed. Not much sleep.

 

They exit the elevator onto their floor and walk hand in hand down the hall. Rafael grows more tired as they step, but the thought of waking up next to a husband tomorrow is making him more and more energized.

 

They approach their door, and they’re so close to just getting their wallets and being on their way, but a huge damper on their plans is sitting sprawled on the floor against the door.

 

Gina looks up at them approaching, clearly very drunk and crying.

 

“Something terrible has happened,” she informs them.

 

“Dios mio,” Rafael sighs, sure that their evening plans have changed.

 

“What happened?” Sonny asks, skeptically.

 

Gina struggles to stand. She sniffles again before she straightens and tells them the terribleness that has happened.

 

“I can’t find Evan!”

 

“Oh my god,” Sonny says now, annoyance in his tone. “Did you call him?” He sticks his hotel room key into the card reader, then pushes the door open, holding it for the other two to follow.

 

Rafael follows Gina.

 

“I called him and he didn’t answer!”

 

“The casino never has service,” Sonny tells her. “Did you look for him?”

 

Gina sits heavily on the bed, even though Rafael is trying to steer her toward a chair. After he gives up, Rafael finds his own wallet and simply sits next to Gina.

 

“What if he left me?” Gina asks.

 

“He didn’t leave you,” Sonny says, wandering the room in search of his wallet.

 

Gina jumps up. “What if he was kidnapped?!”

 

“I don’t know which is more unlikely,” Sonny answers.

 

Gina grabs his arm. “You have to find him! You’re the police!”

 

“Even if there was an emergency,” Sonny says, “I have no jurisdiction here. It’s out of my hands.”

 

“Sonny!” Gina whines.

 

Sonny pauses in his looking around to look at Gina. “What?!”

 

“What are you looking for?!” Gina cries.

 

“My wallet!”

 

Gina digs in her purse. “I took it earlier.”

 

“What?!”

 

She hands the wallet over to Sonny. Sonny takes it with a snap.

 

“Come on, Rafi,” Sonny says next.

 

“Where are you going?” Gina asks.

 

Sonny glances at Rafael. Rafael answers first, “Nowhere.”

 

“Rafi, shouldn’t you be in bed?” Gina asks.

 

“Yes,” Rafael says, glaring at Sonny, even though he really wants to marry Sonny.

 

Sonny takes his phone out and dials quickly, then puts the phone to his ear.

 

“Who are you calling?” Gina asks. “The real police?”

 

“I am the—hey, Evan. Yeah, Gina’s here, where are—Seriously? Yeah, she’s here. Please come get her.”

 

Sonny hangs up.

 

“He went to the bathroom!” Sonny practically yells at his drunk sister.

 

“What?!”

 

“He had gone to the bathroom and told you to wait for him. What the fuck, Gin?”

 

“He didn’t leave me!” Gina cries real tears this time, falling into Rafael’s shoulder.

 

Rafael looks up at Sonny over her head. He looks just as frustrated as Rafael feels.

 

Rafael checks his watch. It’s after eleven, Evan will take a while to get to the hotel, and Rafael’s getting more hungry than eager to be married. Maybe a late dinner and bed is a better idea.

 

Sonny is not so quick to give up. After Evan arrives, Sonny drags Rafael downstairs and gets his phone out to order a Lyft.

 

“Are you sure somewhere is open?” Rafael asks.

 

“Vegas,” Sonny reminds him.

 

Rafael nods.

 

Sonny continues, “As long as there are no actual emergencies, we can—“

 

Suddenly, there’s a blood curdling scream heard. Sonny literally perks up.

 

“You don’t have jurisdiction here,” Rafael reminds him.

 

“Someone’s in trouble.”

 

“You’re not Superman!”

 

The scream is repeated. Sonny takes off down the street.

 

* * *

 

 

By the time they get back to the hotel, it’s two in the morning and Sonny has a fat lip. After fighting off an attacker, then efficiently knocking him out as Rafael tried comforting the victim as much as he could, Sonny and Rafael were taken to a Las Vegas police station to give statements about the incident. Luckily, there was no mystery like SVU deals with; they had the attacker red handed. Sonny just needed to talk to the police, and he knew that. He ended up making friends with them more than someone who beat up a guy.

 

Sonny unlocks the hotel room and leads Rafael in. They strip out of their clothes and flop onto the bed, foregoing showers and favoring sleep instead.

 

“I could sleep for a week,” Sonny says.

 

Rafael gently rubs the cut on Sonny’s lower lip. Watching some brute punch Sonny was so hard to watch. Luckily, the guy only punched Sonny. What if he’d pulled out a gun? Or a knife? And luckily, they caught him on time and he couldn’t hurt the victim too much.

 

They still weren’t married.

 

Maybe it was for the better.

 

Maybe, had it been meant to be, they would have checked for an open chapel and for their wallets. There wouldn’t have been emergencies and drunk sisters.

 

Maybe the universe was telling them to wait.

 

Maybe it wasn’t the universe, but Rafael was partly relieved they didn’t go through with it. He didn’t want his life with Sonny to begin with a Vegas whim. Even though his life with Sonny began long ago.

 

Rafael leans over and kisses the little cut on Sonny’s lip.

 

“Thanks, baby,” Sonny says, snuggling into the bed.

 

Rafael rubs Sonny’s face, massaging his cheeks, eyebrows, and forehead. Sometimes he just touches Sonny because he can.

 

Sonny sighs, closing his eyes. “That feels nice.”

 

Rafael kisses his jaw. Just because he can.

 

Sonny smiles, but he doesn’t open his eyes. “Love you, baby.”

 

“I love you, too.”

 

Sonny turns his head to kiss Rafael’s forehead, then he snuggles into he pillows and pulls Rafael close.

 

Rafael falls asleep as he watches Sonny sleep, recounting the events of their short vacation so far. A fight, a proposal, stopping a terrible crime...every day with Sonny is a very interesting adventure that Rafael wants to experience every single day.

 

* * *

 

 

Getting home and somewhat back to normal is easy. They have meals together, get back to work, but there’s an overhanging mutual thought of what could have happened.

 

They could be married. But there were too many things stopping them, in their way. It wasn’t meant to be.

 

Rafael tried to figure out what that meant. He didn’t always believe in a higher being, but what if something was truly telling them that being together is a terrible idea? What if they’re fooling themselves?

 

Three days back, and too much silence, Sonny finally bursts.

 

“Should we just get married? Should we just do it? Go to the courthouse now and do it?”

 

Rafael sighs. “No. You know it’s not what we want. I’m happy the way things are, Sonny. We should just...forget about this weekend, okay? Forget it.”

 

“I’m so happy the way things are,” Sonny admits. “I just thought, maybe getting married would ease this awkwardness we have going on.”

 

Rafael shakes his head. “Maybe we just need a minute to forget about it, okay? Hey, here’s an idea! You go unpack because it’s been three days and, seriously? You’re a grown man.”

 

Sonny chuckles. “Hey, uh...” He grows a bashful smile and blushes.

 

Rafael finds it incredibly adorable, but he doesn’t say anything because he’s too curious about what’s making Sonny so nervous.

 

Sonny finds his confidence. “What if I unpack my stuff over here?”

 

Rafael is confused. “Why would I want your dirty clothes over here?”

 

Sonny’s smile falls. “To have my stuff...here.”

 

“Well, that seems weird to have your stuff split between two apartments. You’ll be going back and forth a lot—“

 

“Rafi,” Sonny stops him. “What if I move over here and you understand what I’m saying?”

 

Rafael is shocked. He hadn’t even thought of that. Even though Sonny has his own apartment, he is at Rafael’s more often than not. Apart from Sonny’s possessions being across the hall, they practically do live together already.

 

“Are we ready for that?” Rafael asks, even though he already knows his half of the answer.

 

Sonny nods. “We are.”

 

Rafael smiles. He slowly stands from the couch and Sonny steps toward him.

 

They meet in a soft embrace. It’s everything Rafael ever needs.

 

He knows they’ll talk about Sonny’s apartment later—moving his stuff, possibly selling it—but for that moment, all Rafael needs is Sonny’s strong arms around him, and the promise of one change in the future with his new roommate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope it’s okay, please review! Thank you for reading!


	7. VII: Eight Months Later

Sonny follows Gina around the Natural History Museum like the little boy he was the first time he visited—in complete awe. Museums in New York never bore Sonny, there’s always something new to see and explore. With a city that’s constantly changing, constantly moving, it’s nice to take a slow day in a museum. 

 

“This place is beautiful,” Gina comments.

 

Sonny agrees. If he wasn’t a cop, maybe he’d be a museum curator. Or some kind of artist. Or someone who just wanders the museum all day.

 

“Wouldn’t it be gorgeous to, like, get married here?” she adds.

 

“It would,” Sonny thinks, and not just because he’s been thinking that about literally every place he’s stepped foot in lately.

 

He doesn’t know why, but everywhere he is, he can imagine marrying Rafael at that exact spot. Starbucks? The precinct? Walking past Bryant Park? Climbing up the stairs of their building?

 

The worst place is the courthouse, because it’s actually so possible for them to get married when they’re at the courthouse. Sonny could just grab Rafael, drag him into a room, and marry him.

 

Of course, Sonny knows how not ready Rafael is. He knows how skeptical Rafael feels about the possibility. They talk about it a lot, not being ready.

 

Sonny wonders, often and disappointedly, if Rafael will ever be ready.

 

But Sonny will wait. He’s ready to wait. He wants to wait for Rafael. And maybe he won’t need to wait so long, but for now, Sonny is content.

 

“Excuse me,” Sonny hears Gina ask, “Do you host weddings?”

 

“Oh, yeah,” a museum worker replies, “Yeah, we do weddings all the time. Usually, in this room, we put the isle here and the alter there.” The guy points throughout the room.

 

“I wouldn’t put the isle there,” Sonny says, almost without meaning to. But of course, he had already thought of it, as soon as he walked into the room.

 

“Well,” the guy adds, “We’re totally booked up. We have a two year waiting list.” Then, he excuses himself.

 

Gina looks at Sonny with excitement.

 

“Oh god, what?” Sonny asks.

 

“Put your name down,” Gina says.

 

“Are you insane?”

 

“Come on. Two years is a long time. If you’re not engaged, cancel it. If you get engaged, you won’t have to wait an additional two years.”

 

The idea isn’t terrible to Sonny.

 

“But,” he says, “Rafi...”

 

“Rafi doesn’t even have to know.”

 

Sonny thinks about it. It wouldn’t be that bad. It could just remain an idea for a while.

 

So, Sonny puts his name down, but he puts the event under the, ‘Barba-Carisi Wedding’. Because what could go wrong?

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael sits at home reading the paper, waiting for Sonny—well, waiting for dinner. Sonny had called and said he’d bring pizza home, and Rafael, at the time, didn’t think about Sonny’s disgusting pizza habits, he was just glad to be provided dinner.

 

Rafael is not nosy. He does not snoop in Sonny’s things. He doesn’t check Sonny’s phone or Sonny’s emails, because they’re Sonny’s privately. He has no business snooping.

 

So when an email comes over Sonny’s iPad, which is sitting right there on the couch next to him, with the subject line, ‘Barba-Carisi Wedding at the Natural History Museum’, Rafael doesn’t mean to peek.

 

Technically, the email is half addressed to him. Assuming he’s the Barba half of Barba-Carisi, and he just doesn’t know about it yet.

 

Rafael opens the email so quickly that he almost doesn’t process the words.

 

‘Dear Mr. Carisi, there was a cancellation in the waiting list of weddings to be hosted here at the Natural History Museum. If you are interested in moving your reservation for the Barba-Carisi wedding up, please call us. Thank you.’

 

Rafael slowly lowers the iPad.

 

Holy shit, Rafael thinks. Sonny signed them up for a wedding.

 

For their wedding.

 

That he didn’t even know he was a part of.

 

The irrational, nervous, afraid-of-commitment half of Rafael’s brain is screaming, ‘What the fuck! He signed you up for a wedding and didn’t even ask first! Did he put down a deposit? Did he actually pick a date?! This is all happening far too quickly!!”

 

But the rational, logical side of Rafael’s brain is thinking, ‘It’s not like it’s tomorrow. Talk about it. Maybe it’s for a year from now. A year can be good. Maybe Sonny was just making a plan because he’s planning on proposing.’

 

Rafael always wanted to propose first. Because Sonny claimed he was ready to wait, Rafael just always figured he would. Every time he thought about getting engaged to Sonny, it was him proposing.

 

And it was...’every time’.

 

More than Rafael liked to admit, he fantasized being engaged and getting married to Sonny. He fantasized the suits, the venue, the rings, the food, the band, spending happily ever after with Sonny.

 

Rafael will still say he’s not ready.

 

Rafael, deep down, knows he’s wrong.

 

Because he loves Sonny more than anything on earth.

 

Rafael is in a cab before he knows it.

 

Rafael is telling the cabbie the address to the Natural History Museum before he can stop himself.

 

Rafael is mentally planning a proposal the entire way to the museum.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny finally arrives home to an empty apartment. Surprised, because Rafael was home when they spoke not too long ago, Sonny sets the pizza down and calls out to Rafael. Well, to nothing, because the apartment is empty.

 

Since he’s not too worried, Sonny sits at the couch and kicks his feet up on the coffee table, which Rafael hates and Sonny does anyway.

 

He picks up his iPad and finds a few new emails waiting for him.

 

Junk, junk, junk, until something catches Sonny’s eye:

 

‘Barba-Carisi Wedding’.

 

And the email was already opened.

 

“Fuck!” Sonny yells, sitting up quickly.

 

Rafael read it. And now he’s gone.

 

Sonny quickly digs his phone out of his pocket and calls Rafael.

 

It goes immediately to voicemail.

 

“Fuck!” Sonny yells again, then calls Gina.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny is pacing the floor when Rafael finally walks in. He looks a little bit freaked out, confused, and Sonny goes to him immediately.

 

“Honey?” Sonny asks, slowly approaching him. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, of course,” Rafael says, ripping off his tie. “I’m just...thinking about our wedding, apparently.”

 

“Oh fuck, baby, I’m sorry. I was just at the museum, talking about weddings—other people’s weddings—and I just...Gina said—“

 

“Oh, Gina? Gina said? Gina said to plan our wedding and not mention it to me?”

 

“Babe, come on. I wasn’t planning anything. It was just...just for fun, okay, just in case. It didn’t mean anything.”

 

Rafael looks at him. “It didn’t mean anything?”

 

Sonny shakes his head. “No, it didn’t. I mean, not immediately. Not now. It was a two year waiting list!”

 

“Two years,” Rafael repeats.

 

Sonny runs a hand through his hair nervously, pushing down anxiety boiling in his belly over Rafael’s panic. Sonny tries to convince himself that he does want to wait for Rafael.

 

“Babe, don’t worry about it,” Sonny says.

 

Rafael slowly nods. “Okay,” he says. “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Sonny says, reaching for Rafael.

 

Rafael steps right into Sonny’s open arms for a hug. He lightly kisses Sonny’s neck. Sonny turns his face to nuzzle his nose into Rafael’s hair.

 

“I love you, okay?” Sonny says. “I just don’t want you to flip.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Rafael says, heartfelt. “I don’t mean to—“

 

“I know,” Sonny says, pushing down his heart breaking a little bit.

 

Rafael kisses his neck again.

 

Sonny has to pull away before he makes himself too blue. He kisses Rafael’s forehead.

 

Sonny needs a minute. “Listen, I’m all...gross and stuff from work. I’m gonna hop in the shower.”

 

“Okay,” Rafael says. “I’ll warm up your pizza.”

 

“Hey, I’ll grab you some sushi or something when I get out, if you want.”

 

Rafael kisses his chin. “Pizza is fine.”

 

Sonny nods, then he heads to the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Rafael hears the shower kick on, Rafael takes his phone out of his pocket. He quickly dials Gina.

 

“So?” she answers instead of a greeting.

 

“He bought it,” Rafael says, smiling.

 

“You’re such an ass. Did you go over there?”

 

“Yeah, I did.”

 

“It will be a beautiful wedding, won’t it?”

 

Rafael smiles wider, thinking about all the plans he saw and imagined for the wedding at the Natural History Museum that he and Sonny will have in a year and six months. That they will have, once he proposes to Sonny in the coming week.

 

As soon as Rafael got to the museum, he knew he was more than ready. So ready. Ridiculously ready.

 

The only thing stopping him from proposing to Sonny right now, while Sonny is in the shower for all he cares, is that he doesn’t have a ring.

 

“So,” Rafael says to Gina. “Ring shopping tomorrow?”

 

“For sure. I’ll call you.”

 

Rafael hangs up, but he keeps smiling. He’s going to propose to Sonny. He’s going to marry Sonny.

 

In a year and six months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is to be continued...


	8. VIII: The Next Day

“We’ve been to a hundred jewelry stores,” Gina whines, following behind Rafael to what is, honestly, the tenth jewelry store. She sips at her cup of coffee—Starbucks, which Rafael hates—and Rafael wants to flick her again for complaining. 

 

“I still haven’t found the perfect ring,” Rafael reminds her.

 

No ring Rafael has seen today has made him feel like it’s special. None have been sparkly enough, grand enough, even though he knows that for a man like Sonny, he needs something simple and nice. Sonny’s old fashioned. His dad had a basic ring. His mom’s wasn’t flashy. Sonny’s very basic. Not boring. Just peculiar.

 

Rafael wanders the jewelry store in search. There’s a mixture of vintage rings and brand new rings, and Rafael is open to whichever jumps out at him.

 

Finally, one does. It’s two tone, black with a dark gray stripe in the middle, and Rafael is instantly glued to it.

 

“Excuse me,” he calls out to a saleswoman. “Can I see this one, please?”

 

The woman goes to the glass Rafael is looking at and slides out the ring Rafael is pointing at.

 

“Ooh, that’s nice,” Gina comments. “Totally. Not too flashy but definitely unique.”

 

“It’s gunmetal center,” the saleswoman, whose name tag says Kelly, says.

 

“Perfect,” Rafael says. “Could you...you know, ask me to marry you.”

 

“Uh...” Kelly visibly holds back a chuckle. “Will you marry me?”

 

Rafael gets chills. He feels something towards the ring. Mostly eagerness to ask Sonny to marry him with that ring.

 

“That’s the one,” Rafael quietly says. “How much is it?”

 

“Eight thousand, two hundred dollars.”

 

“We’ll give you twenty bucks,” Gina replies.

 

Rafael rolls his eyes. “I’ll take it,” he says.

 

“Great,” Kelly says. “I’ll get it wrapped up. Will it be cash or card?”

 

“Card,” Rafael instantly says, knowing he never carries cash and certainly not $8,000.

 

Then, Rafael gets his wallet out to pay and comes to a halt when he realizes his wallet is not in his pocket.

 

“Shit,” he mutters. “I don’t have my wallet.”

 

“What? Where is it? How did you buy our coffee?”

 

“Uh, app. How do you ever pay for things?”

 

“You’re right,” Gina says. She turns to Kelly. “You do Apple Pay for an eight thousand dollar ring, right?”

 

Kelly shakes her head.

 

Gina looks at Rafael pointedly.

 

Rafael sighs. “Okay, listen, I’ll go get my wallet, you guard the ring.”

 

“What? Guard it?”

 

But Rafael is already heading for the entrance to the jewelry shop like a man on a mission.

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael runs into the apartment without looking around first.

 

He begins rummaging around in search for his wallet, muttering to himself in Spanish that he needs to find it.

 

“What are you looking for?” he hears suddenly in Sonny’s voice, albeit a bit groggy.

 

In the kitchen, Rafael spins around quickly, his heart beating rapidly from the shock of someone being in the apartment. From Sonny being in the apartment.

 

“Dios mio,” Rafael mumbles. “What are you doing here?”

 

Sonny flops back onto the couch again. “Migraine. What are you looking for?”

 

“My wallet,” Rafael answers truthfully.

 

“It’s on the dresser,” Sonny tells him. “I was gonna call to tell you I found it, but when I got home I just wanted to sleep.”

 

Rafael rushes into their bedroom, grabs his wallet, double checks his credit card is safely inside, then rushes back to the living room.

 

Sonny looks so helpless on the couch. His eyes are squeezed shut, but he’s pale and looks terrible.

 

He slowly opens his eyes as Rafael approaches. Half of Rafael is telling him to stay with Sonny, but the other half is screaming that he needs to go buy the ring.

 

“What are you doing anyway?” Sonny asks.

 

“Oh, uh...nothing.”

 

Sonny doesn’t even question it. He closes his eyes again.

 

Rafael leans over and kisses his temple. “I’ll be right back,” he vows.

 

“You can’t just stay with me?” Sonny asks as Rafael stands up straight.

 

Rafael feels guilty, but he really wants to go get the ring. “I’ll just be a minute,” he promises.

 

But Sonny doesn’t reply, and Rafael suspects he’s already asleep. With the silent agreement, Rafael runs out of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael arrives at the jewelry store in record time. He scans the little store for his friend’s familiar face, and he finally spots her sitting in the corner of the store talking to a man in a very fancy suit.

 

Gina looks up and spots him before he can make a move, then she hops up.

 

“Rafi!” she calls across the store.

 

Rafael rushes to her.

 

“Rafi, I tried to stop them, but then the alarms went off and—“

 

“What?” Rafael stops her. “What are you talking about?”

 

Gina starts over. “Another guy came in and got the ring, Raf! And when I tried to go after him, all of the alarms in the store went off!”

 

The guy in the suit comes up behind Gina. “You were holding almost twenty thousand dollars in jewelry.”

 

“Oh, trying on a tiara or two is a crime now?”

 

Rafael shakes his head. “Wait, wait, someone else bought the ring. I told you to watch it!”

 

“I was—“

 

“My ring couldn’t have been one you were holding?”

 

“Oh Rafi, I’m sorry. But look, I found another one...”

 

Gina leads Rafael to another case of rings and points to another ring, one less beautiful and one Rafael does not like nearly as much as the other.

 

“I don’t want to use just some other cheap ring,” Rafael says. “I liked the other one, and Sonny would too.”

 

“Sonny never even saw it, he doesn’t have to know about it.”

 

“Yeah, but...” Rafael sighs. “I just...when Kelly fake-proposed, I...felt it.”

 

“You sure it wasn’t Kelly?” Gina playfully elbows Rafael and wiggles her eyebrows.

 

Rafael glares at her. “It was the ring.”

 

Gina shrugs. “Hey, I did overhear where he’s going to propose tonight.”

 

“So, what, I just walk in and ask for that ring?”

 

“Yeah, exactly.”

 

Rafael sighs. “It’s worth a try,” he says.

 

They buy a nice ring anyway, just in case, but it’s not the ring Rafael loves and wants for Sonny. They leave the shop hoping their plan of simply asking to trade rings will work.

 

* * *

 

 

Around dinner time, Rafael leaves Sonny in a suspicious rush once again and meets Gina at the restaurant.

 

“Hey, good news,” Gina says as Rafael walks up, “I just saw the guy walk in.”

 

“Oh, good, so we don’t have to resort to loitering and stalking.”

 

“Hey, at least we weren’t running around the city trying to find the right restaurant.”

 

Rafael runs a hand through his hair. “You know what? This is stupid. Let’s just go, I’ll just use this ring—“

 

“No. I lost it. I’m not leaving here until it’s ready for my brother.”

 

Rafael is taken aback by Gina’s stance, but he follows her into the restaurant anyway.

 

They spot the guy and his soon-to-be-fiancé. Gina hands Rafael her purse and goes over to their table.

 

“Excuse me, sir,” Rafael hears her say. “Could you come with me? You have a phone call.”

 

“A phone call? Who is it?”

 

“Uhm...your office.”

 

“My office? Why didn’t they just call my cell?”

 

“Because...because this dining room has terrible service. Would you just come with me? Or should I tell them you’ll get back to them?”

 

The guy stands. “No, I should take it, it’s probably important. I’ll be right back,” he says to his date, then he follows Gina through the room.

 

When they turn the corner where Rafael is waiting.

 

“Uh, excuse me,” the guy says, “I have a phone—“

 

“That was a lie,” Gina says, “Sorry about that. Rafi?”

 

Rafael rolls his eyes. “Hello, I’m Rafael Barba. The ring you bought today was supposed to be saved for me, but obviously you got it. I was hoping to trade.” He takes the second ring out of his pocket and shows the man.

 

The man looks confused. “I’m just going to use the one I have.”

 

Rafael frowns.

 

“Oh, but...” Gina cuts in. “It’s...the ring’s for my brother. I don’t know what it will do to his heart if he doesn’t have it.”

 

The guy looks even more confused. “What?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, he’s waiting for that ring, in the hospital, hoping for it just as much as he’s hoping for a new heart...”

 

The guy softens. “Really?”

 

Gina nods. Rafael doesn’t make any move, not wanting to be a part of Gina’s lie at all.

 

The guy sighs. “Let me see the other ring.”

 

Rafael holds it up.

 

The man bites his lip. “It is beautiful.”

 

“And even more expensive,” Gina lies again.

 

The man sighs again. “Alright, fine. I’ll do it.”

 

Rafael’s heart bursts. “Really? Gracias, thank you, this is great, thank you.”

 

“I hope your fiancé gets better.”

 

“Thanks,” Rafael says again, not entirely giving in to the lie, before he grabs Gina by the arm to leave.

 

“You’re about to marry a wonderful man!” Gina calls through the dining room to the man’s boyfriend.

 

“Come on!” the man cries.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Rafael mutters, then drags Gina out of the restaurant before the man can change his mind.

 

They practically run down the street and don’t stop until they’re a good distance away.

 

“That was fun!” Gina says.

 

Rafael glares at her. “You’re insane.”

 

“Hey, it worked, didn’t it? Let me see it.”

 

Rafael takes the ring box out of his pocket and opens it. Inside is the original ring, so beautiful and nice, and Rafael feels nothing but excitement. Sure, below the excitement is annoyance at Gina, but mostly he feels excited to propose to Sonny, to give Sonny this ring, to see Sonny’s face when he slips it on, to hear Sonny say ‘yes’.

 

“He’s gonna love it,” Gina says.

 

“Yeah, he will,” Rafael agrees.

 

“When are you going to do it?”

 

Rafael shrugs. “I don’t know, I was just focused on getting a ring.”

 

“I think the sooner will be better. For your sanity.”

 

Rafael nods, then he closes the box and places it safely back into his pocket.

 

Gina slips her arm into Rafael’s and they start down the street again.

 

“Hey, can I go when you propose?”

 

“After today? No way in hell. The place will burn down, with your luck.”

 

“So I made a few mistakes! You still got the ring!”

 

Rafael chuckles. “Yeah. Silver lining.”

 

Gina leans over and kisses his cheek. “I’m so happy for you guys.”

 

Rafael smiles widely. “Me too,” he agrees. “Me too.”


	9. IX: A Week Later And A Few Days After That

“Will you marry me?” 

 

Rafael shuts the box. Opens it again.

 

“Will you marry me?” he repeats, his voice deep and solid. His court voice.

 

He shuts the box. Opens it again, this time pointing it at himself and not in the mirror as he had been.

 

“Te casarías conmigo?” he asks, staring at the beautiful little band in the box.

 

The ridiculous thing represents so much: how much he loves Sonny, wanting to be with Sonny forever. Tying himself to another person is not something Rafael ever wanted, but now he has the desire to be tied to Sonny forever.

 

“Marry me,” Rafael says simply, his voice soft and pleading, his mind racing with images of his time with Sonny so far, his life with Sonny as is, and his future with the man.

 

That’s all Rafael wants. To marry Sonny.

 

Suddenly, he hears the front doorknob jiggle, so he slams the box shut and shoves it back into one of the shoes in his closet. He used to keep small, important things in his underwear drawer, but not since Sonny found the cufflinks from their anniversary.

 

“Honey!” Sonny calls from the front door. “I’m home!”

 

Rafael smiles. He can definitely get used to that forever.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny looks impeccable. He always looks impeccable, even when he’s dripping sweat from chasing down bad guys in his bulletproof vest, even when he’s first waking up, with drool dribbling down his cheek and a pillow crease pressed to his face.

 

But drenched in candlelight in a dimly lit romantic restaurant, cheeks pink from the champagne they’ve already drank, and a smile from ear to ear? He’s fucking gorgeous.

 

Rafael smiles across the table at Sonny.

 

He is so ready to propose.

 

“Look, Sonny,” Rafael starts, “I want to tell you how good my life has been with you. I mean, of course you’ve been here for me for a long time, but with you and I together, it’s been...I’ve been so—“

 

“Oh my god, Jen.”

 

“What?” Rafael snaps. He’s in the middle of his proposal and Sonny decides to mention Jennifer, his bitchy ex-girlfriend?!

 

“Jen, over there.”

 

Rafael turns to look as soon as Jennifer spots them. She’s with a handsome man, not the man she’d married after she left Sonny, and she comes over to them.

 

“Sonny!” she cries, taking Sonny in a hug and completely ignoring Rafael. “How are you, babe?”

 

Rafael rolls his eyes.

 

“I’m good,” Sonny answers happily. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good! I’m glad to see you! After our lunch last year, I’ve thought about calling you but I haven’t had the time.”

 

In an entire year?, Rafael thinks, but he doesn’t push it. He doesn’t want to argue with Jennifer about having time for lunch with his boyfriend.

 

Rafael looks at the handsome man with Jennifer and he looks confused.

 

Rafael takes pity on him. “I’m Rafael.”

 

“Seth,” the other man says.

 

“Oh, right!” Jen says, “Seth, this is Sonny, we used to date. And this is Rafael. His friend.”

 

“Boyfriend,” Rafael corrects, even though he actually hates the term. It sounds so juvenile, but in the moment, it sounds possessive. He is Sonny’s boyfriend. He is Sonny’s.

 

“Right,” Jennifer says, uncaring. A waiter passes, and Jennifer stops him. “Excuse me, could we maybe get the table here?” She points to the one next to Rafael and Sonny’s.

 

Rafael wants to yell at her to go away, but that would be suspicious and rude. Instead, he rolls his eyes again and sits as the waiter adjusts the table next to them for Jennifer.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny likes that he’s grown enough to have a mature and even pleasant evening with his ex-girlfriend, her boyfriend and his own boyfriend. Rafael didn’t seem the happiest, but it would have been rude to tell Jennifer to buzz off, and in the end, Rafael wasn’t too terribly angry.

 

And Sonny knew he wouldn’t stay mad when he flashed an innocent smile and kissed him deeply in the cab on the way home.

 

“What were you trying to tell me earlier?” Sonny asks curiously as they drifted passed the park, street lights illuminating the inside of the car enough for Sonny to see Rafael’s beautiful, glowing green eyes.

 

Rafael kisses his forehead. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later.”

 

Sonny wasn’t worried about it. He just cuddled up to Rafael and smiled happily.

 

* * *

 

 

A few days later, Sonny is having an uncharacteristically quiet day in the precinct. It gave everyone a chance to catch up on paperwork, and he knew even Rafael was bored because he’d drifted in about an hour ago, and he and Liv have been locked in her office since.

 

Sonny stopped worrying about being gossiped about long ago. He knew the gossip didn’t end, Rafael usually told Liv everything, he just stopped worrying about it. So what if his boss knew what he was like in bed? As long as Rafael gave him glowing reviews, it didn’t matter.

 

Sonny lets out a long sigh and stretches in his seat. God, he’s bored. He needs some entertainment. A distraction.

 

Sonny is five seconds away from interrupting Rafael and Liv to ask Rafael to lunch when his phone rings.

 

Thankful, Sonny answers quickly.

 

“Carisi,” he answers.

 

“Hey Detective, Officer Long here.” Officer Long is the receptionist downstairs. “Got a visitor.”

 

“Oh? Who is it?”

 

“Your sister.”

 

Confused, but not that confused because one of the sisters pops in at least once a week, Sonny thanks Officer Long and hangs up.

 

As Sonny stands and pulls on his suit jacket, he asks Rollins to relay the message that he had a visitor, in case anyone asks. 

 

“You know nobody will,” Rollins replies.

 

“I did say, ‘just in case’.”

 

“I’m gonna tell your boyfriend you’re with another man.”

 

Sonny chuckles. “You deal with that wrath.”

 

Rollins just grins.

 

Sonny takes off downstairs before his sister can leave, but when he gets down there, he instantly pauses.

 

None of his sisters are waiting.

 

It’s Jen.

 

Sonny’s blood runs cold and he grows nervous instantly. What could she want?

 

“Hey,” she greets as he approaches, sounding sweet.

 

“What are you doing here?”

 

“Can we talk?”

 

Sonny glances around, because he would die if Rafael followed him. Finding the coast clear, Sonny takes Jen’s elbow and leads her outside. They take a short walk down the street and finally stop when Sonny is sure they’re far enough from the precinct.

 

He doesn’t exactly know why he’s treating Jen’s visit like such a secret, why he’s sneaking away from the precinct. He doesn’t even know what she wants.

 

“So?” Sonny asks when they finally stop. “What’s up?”

 

Jen takes a deep breath. “Son, I...I don’t know how to say this. I still love you.”

 

Sonny is instantly confused. “What?”

 

“I...ever since our lunch last year, I can’t get you out of my head. I made a huge mistake, Son, letting you go. But I’ve changed. I’m ready now.”

 

Sonny’s eyebrows knit together. “Ready for...”

 

Jen grabs his hands between them. “To marry you.”

 

Sonny yanks his hands away. “Uh—“

 

“I made a mistake. I want it all. With you.”

 

Sonny shakes his head. “I...Jen, come on.”

 

“You’ve been with Rafael for, what? Two years?”

 

“Almost—“

 

“Is he willing to give you what I’m willing to give you? Does he want to marry you?”

 

Sonny swallows hard, thinking about the little panic Rafael had when he found Sonny’s email about the wedding booking. That was not the behavior of a man who wants to be married...

 

“You don’t even know,” Jen says.

 

“I know enough, okay? I know you left me. I know you didn’t want to marry me.”

 

Jen takes Sonny’s hand again. “But I do now.”

 

Sonny holds her hand for a second. It feels familiar. Jen is familiar. He loved her so much...

 

He loves Rafael.

 

Sonny drops her hand.

 

“I gotta go,” he announces.

 

Jen frowns. She looks genuinely sad, as if she actually expected Sonny to drop everything for her.

 

“Just call me,” she tells him.

 

Sonny nods, although he’s sure he won’t, then he returns to the building.

 

He manages to calm his rapidly beating heart by the time he gets upstairs again, and he’s glad, because Rafael and Liv are out of Liv’s office and the floor is in discussion.

 

Sonny steps up to Rafael, who is standing in his usual spot by Sonny’s desk, but he feels guilty when Rafael smiles at him.

 

“Oh don’t smile at him, Barba,” Rollins says. “Not after what you just said.”

 

Sonny is confused. Was Rafael talking about him? “What did you just say?”

 

Rafael sighs. “I inquired why anyone would want to be married to a man like the last perp.”

 

“No!” Rollins points an accusatory finger at Rafael. “You said you didn’t know why anyone would want to be married at all.”

 

Sonny’s stomach drops. So many thoughts and emotions run through his head that he can’t keep up.

 

“A real keeper, Carisi,” Rollins adds.

 

Rafael doesn’t even defend himself.

 

Sonny feels like he might puke.

 

“I’ll be right back,” he excuses himself, rushing to the bathroom.

 

Sonny can’t cry, or vomit, or make this bigger than it is while he’s at work.

 

It’s not a big deal, really. It’s just that the love of his life doesn’t want to get married. And the person he wanted to marry years ago is ready for him now.

 

He’d be lying if he said there was nothing for Jen in his heart. He’d by lying if he said Rafael not wanting to get married wasn’t breaking it.

 

Leaning against the sink, Sonny takes deep breaths and tries to think of what to do next.

 

He can’t think of anything.

 

Sonny shuts his eyes.

 

Half an hour ago, everything was fine.

 

Everything can still be fine, if he just pushed Rafael’s marriage issues from his mind. If he just accepted it and lived happily with Rafael anyway.

 

The problem is...

 

Sonny doesn’t know if he can.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little cliffhanger...
> 
> Sorry about the long absense. Thank you for reading!


	10. X: The Following Saturday

Sonny just doesn’t feel right. 

 

About any of it.

 

Maybe last week, he could have lived with Rafael never wanting to get married. Maybe he could have just lived with Rafael, in their own little world that works for them, without rings and a license and sharing last names.

 

But yesterday, it all came crashing down to reality when Jen came to him.

 

Sonny wants a marriage, wants a family. He wants a home built with his spouse, he wants to fight over who’s parents’ house they’re going to for each holiday, he wants to fight about going to church.

 

He wants that with Rafael. So badly does he want that with Rafael. He’s wanted that with Rafael for so long.

 

Since yesterday, it hasn’t just been Rafael he’s imagined it with.

 

He’s thought about smiling at Jen first thing in the morning. He’s thought about calling Jen on the way home to ask if she wants him to grab or make dinner. He’s thought about sending Christmas cards with her.

 

But Sonny wants it to work with Rafael. He needs it to work with Rafael. Rafael is his best friend, the love of his life.

 

Disappointingly, Sonny accepts that their current relationship is all it can be.

 

But maybe not without asking about it, first.

 

It’s Saturday, so they’re enjoying a rare but valued lunch at a restaurant near the park. The day is theirs, and on a usual Saturday as such, they like to stroll the park, watching the families and couples and people who are as happy as they are.

 

Unfortunately, Sonny doesn’t feel that way today. He doesn’t feel very ‘stroll-through-the-park’.

 

But he wants to ask Rafael anyway, his true feelings about marriage, because his mood can only go up from there.

 

“So,” Rafael is telling a story that Sonny is not listening to. “I told Rita that I didn’t believe in such outlandish—“

 

“Raf,” Sonny blurts, “How do you really feel about marriage?”

 

Rafael pauses in taking another bite of his greasy, cheesy pizza.

 

“Perdón?”

 

Sonny, who can’t stomach a bite of his slice, just looks at Rafael.

 

Rafael plates his pizza and wipes his hands on a napkin.

 

“I’ve never seen a healthy marriage, Sonny, you have to understand—“

 

“My parents,” Sonny interjects. “My parents have been married almost forty years and—“

 

“Your parents. My parents...their marriage lasted, what, a year? Began on a whim and ended with me. My Abuelo was an adulterer, even I knew as a young kid. Aunts, uncles, cousins...nobody has lasted. So you have to understand—“

 

Sonny is so upset. Rafael isn’t even going to give him the chance to prove that their marriage could be different. That their marriage will work because of them.

 

“No, I don’t have to understand. Why didn’t you tell me this from the start?”

 

“Sonny, you knew—“

 

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know that a relationship with you meant no marriage, no solidarity to it.”

 

“Son, it is—“

 

“It’s not, Rafi, because if this is it...Rafi, I wanted more—“

 

“Can you let me finish—“

 

Sonny shakes his head. He stands.

 

“I can’t let this be it,” he says. “I have to think.”

 

Rafael just stares at him, stunned. He looks sad, not angry. “About what?”

 

Sonny decides he’d better tell Rafael about Jen.

 

“Jen came to see me a few days ago. She wants me back, Rafi.”

 

Rafael looks even sadder.

 

Sonny doesn’t want to fight anymore in the middle of their favorite pizza place. He grabs his jacket and heads for the door.

 

He doesn’t look back.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny takes a guess and assumes Jen still lives in the same apartment she had when they were together, and even when she was married. He takes a cab there, because if he walks he may convince himself to change his mind. But he has to know. He has to know if she’s serious. He has to know what he should do.

 

Luckily, she’s still there.

 

The apartment hasn’t changed besides a few decorative details. Much more updated, since style has changed in ten years, but still very Jen.

 

Sonny has always liked her apartment. It’s in a great location, it has a great layout, and now, the decoration is much more laid back than Rafael’s. It’s bright and homey, but still expensive and chic, unlike Rafael’s dark apartment. Rafael has said his style is ‘sexy bachelor’, and Sonny reminds him he is too old and too spoken for to be a sexy bachelor.

 

“Do you want a drink?” Jen asks as Sonny sits on the couch.

 

He was drinking a beer at lunch, but didn’t finish it, and he could really use one. “Whiskey—“

 

“Whiskey straight with one ice cube. Yeah, I remember.”

 

Rafael couldn’t remember his liquor drink for a long time in their friendship. Sonny is naturally a beer guy, but on nights or occasions when beer just won’t do, he likes whiskey. For a long time, Rafael tried to get him to drink scotch, but finally gave up. But ten years on, Jen still remembers.

 

She serves his drink and sits next to him on the couch, feet up and facing him, giving him all of her attention. Rafael does that, too. Even after he calls Sonny an idiot, says he doesn’t need his Fordham Law opinion, Rafael still listens like Sonny is the only one in the room.

 

“What’s going on in that pretty head?” Jen asks.

 

“I just...” Sonny sighs. “I don’t understand. A few days ago, I could’ve said everything was perfect. I had Rafi, things were great, but—“

 

“Did you break up with Rafael?”

 

Sonny shakes his head.

 

“He’s not willing to give you what I am, Son.”

 

Sonny throws his hands up. “But where was this ten years ago? Where were you then? It wasn’t here. You weren’t here, with me, willing marry me.”

 

“I’ve grown up,” Jen says, stroking Sonny’s arm.

 

Sonny looks at her. She looks very beautiful, just as beautiful as he’s ever remembered. Her perfectly brown eyes, long hair, plump lips...

 

He could have her, all of her, right now, if he kissed her, or something.

 

Sonny almost did. He almost kissed her.

 

“I have too,” he says instead.

 

Because last year, when he had lunch with her, he knew he had. He knew he’d grown out of her, grown for and with Rafael.

 

It’s always been Rafael. It will always be Rafael.

 

Sonny sits up on the couch. He places his drink on the coffee table.

 

“I need to think,” he says, but instead of thinking about choosing between Jen and Rafael, he needs to think about what he wants and expects from Rafael.

 

He knows, in his heart, that Jen is out of his picture.

 

“Take all the time you need,” she says, stroking his back, and clearly she doesn’t know what he means.

 

Sonny stands.

 

“Call me, okay?” Jen says.

 

Sonny absentmindedly nods, then he rushes for the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Sonny barely makes it home, but finds Gina snug on his couch instead of Rafael.

 

“Where’s Rafi?” he asks.

 

“Looking for you,” Gina says, turning off the television. “What the hell happened?”

 

Sonny rubs his eyes. “I don’t even know. I...everything was fine, then...”

 

“Rafi told me Jen wants to get back together.”

 

“Yeah, she did.”

 

“Are you...thinking about it?”

 

Sonny sighs. “Honestly, no. Not anymore. This morning I was. This morning I was, like, ready to head out on my own and really choose between them. But I know Rafi is the only one for me.”

 

“So, you’re upset, because...”

 

“Because he doesn’t want to get married, Gin. Because he doesn’t want to marry me.”

 

Gina’s face cracks into a wide smile. She shakes her head in disbelief. “God, you two are so stupid.”

 

Sonny stares at her. “What?”

 

“What did he say, exactly?”

 

“Well, this morning he went on about how he’s never seen a real marriage, a good marriage. So that’s made him not want to get married.”

 

“You didn’t let him finish?”

 

“Well, no—“

 

Gina jumps off the couch. “Communication is key! Do you want to know what he’s told me? The rest of it?”

 

Sonny nods, fearful of the ‘rest of it’. He stares at his feet.

 

“He’s said, sure, he’s never seen a real marriage, a good marriage. But he never wanted to be married...before you.”

 

Sonny’s eyes snap up to her. “What?”

 

“Do you know where he went the day he found your email about the wedding at the museum?”

 

Sonny shakes his head, curious. He assumed Rafael just ran away for a while.

 

“He went to the museum to see the wedding portfolios. He loves it, Son. And you want to know what we did the next day?”

 

Sonny, feeling like crying suddenly, both out of sheer joy and actually thinking about leaving Rafael, shakes his head.

 

“We bought a ring.”

 

Sonny is stunned. “He—“

 

Gina nods. “An engagement ring for you. And you have no idea what we went through to even get it.”

 

“Why didn’t he just tell me?”

 

“Because he’s stupid. And he’s been waiting for the perfect moment to ask you. And you haven’t been willing to listen. He wants to marry you, and of course he has fears. Everyone does. I did, I still do. But he knows fears is part of the love, how much he loves you.”

 

Sonny has too much emotion, too much joy, but also worry that he has driven Rafael away. “What should I do?” he asks.

 

“What do you want to do?”

 

“No more games,” Sonny confidently says. “I’ll ask Rafael to marry me.”

 

Gina begins to laugh. “You two are truly ridiculous. Do you know how many gray hairs have sprouted since last week? But fine, have it your way.”

 

Sonny quickly thinks of a plan. Romantic candles, music, wine.

 

“And I want it to be surprise,” he says, putting one of his best bottles of wine in the freezer to chill. “Tell him you don’t know where I am.”

 

“You said no more games!”

 

Sonny rolls his eyes. “Okay, one more. Now, help me light these candles.”

 

He tosses Gina a lighter, then they get to work.

 

* * *

 

 

Rafael looks for Sonny all afternoon, but fails to locate him. He goes everywhere he can think Sonny would be, apart from the obvious place he’s sure Sonny is: Jennifer’s apartment. He couldn’t bare it if Sonny was there.

 

Eventually, Rafael makes his way home, sad and lonely, fearing what he might find there. Will Sonny be there? Is he going to leave Rafael? Is Sonny going to listen to him say he does want to get married?

 

Rafael waltzes up the stairs of their building, feet dragging the whole way. He feels defeated.

 

Rafael tries the door, because if Sonny were home it’d be unlocked, but it’s locked.

 

But before he can fish out his keys, the door opens and Gina steps out.

 

“What are you doing here?” Rafael asks. “Where’s Sonny?”

 

“He’s gone,” Gina says. “He’s...he’s gone.”

 

Rafael almost stops breathing. “What do you—“

 

“He’s going back to my parents’ house for a while. He said he needs space, and needs to think, and he...” Gina shakes her head. “Raf, I’m sorry.”

 

“S-sorry? For?”

 

“That I couldn’t stop him. I told him, I told him everything, but—“

 

Rafael can only frown. He can’t say anything. He doesn’t know what to say, what to feel. It’s all his fault Sonny is gone.

 

Gina hugs him. “I’ll leave you alone, okay? Let me know if you need anything.” She kisses Rafael’s cheek, then leaves him outside his apartment door.

 

Rafael rushes into the apartment. As expected, it’s pitch dark. He takes off his jacket, then steps further into the space.

 

And is completely shocked to find Sonny, surrounded by candles, sitting at the giant window.

 

“Hey, Rafi,” he says, standing.

 

“Sonny?” Rafael says, having a complete heart attack. “What are you doing here?”

 

“I live here,” Sonny says.

 

Rafael sighs in relief. Sonny making a joke is a good sign.

 

“Rafi, I need to...I need to say something.”

 

“So do I.”

 

Sonny reaches his hands out. Rafael eagerly takes them.

 

“Rafi, I’ve been waiting my entire life for you. Even though I didn’t know it was you. I’ve always wanted you, wanted my love, wanted my...” Sonny begins to choke up. He clears his throat and continues. “In all my life, I never knew I’d be...head over heels in love with...with my best...” Sonny wipes his eyes. “There’s a reason you were going to do this!”

 

Rafael chokes out a laugh. “Okay, okay, baby.” He clears his throat and squeezes Sonny’s hands. “I have a ring. I bought you a ring. I never wanted to buy a ring before, not until you. You...you are the last man on earth. The last person on earth, the only person on earth. My whole world. Sonny, I love you more than anything. So...”

 

Rafael, despite his weak knees, lowers himself down.

 

“Marry me.”

 

Sonny laughs. “That wasn’t a question.”

 

Rafael laughs back. “I don’t care.”

 

Sonny drops to his knees in front of Rafael. “You marry me,” he says.

 

“I will,” Rafael says.

 

Sonny leans forward, grazing a tiny kiss against Rafael’s lips.

 

“It’ll be worth it,” Sonny tells him. “Getting married.”

 

“It always has been with you.”

 

Sonny kisses him, a real kiss. He wraps his arms around Rafael’s neck and kisses him with love and desire.

 

When they pull away from each other, Rafael thinks Sonny might say something sweet, loving, but instead he says, “I heard there was a ring.”

 

Rafael barks out a laugh. He kisses Sonny again, just because he wants to. He kisses his fiancé with love.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These dumbasses.
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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